incorrect LIS

max: i may be short but that doesn’t mean i’m innocent *aggressively tries to open a caprisun* chloe: chloe: need any help with that max: yes please :(

chloe: where’s the bread? i thought you went to the store max: *mumbles* chloe: what? max: i couldn’t reach it! it was on the top shelf!

max: chloe can you do sth for me? chloe: i would literally cover up a murder for you, plant my dna at the scene of the crime and take the blame max: great, can you do the dishes? chloe: no

max: hey chloe could you- chloe: i’d die for you max: um okay but could you just- chloe: i’d sell my soul to the devil if you needed me to max: that’s great i just need the- chloe: anything max: please pass me the salt chloe just the salt

rachel: chloe what’s the meaning of life? chloe: max caulfield rachel: oh bc she’s your life? chloe: no bc life is short rachel: max: now listen…

chloe: hey can you turn on the light? max: i don’t need to. you’re the only light i need in my life. chloe: chloe: that’s sweet but i can’t fucking see-

max: what’s upstairs? chloe: unfortunately the stairs don’t speak max: ...

chloe: i used to be passive aggressive but now i’m going to try and be aggressively passive max: wait what chloe: don’t mess with me bitch i’ll fucking forgive you do not test me

chloe: have you ever smelled upsexy? max: smelled what chloe: upsexy max: what the hell is that chloe: what the hell is what max: what’s upsexy chloe: nothing much hbu

max: *finds a $20 bill on the floor and picks it up* hey look a 20!!! chloe: dude! *takes it* don’t pick stuff off the ground, do you know how many germs this can have?? *puts it in her own wallet* what’s wrong with you?!

chloe: *sneezes* max: bless you chloe: i’m already blessed bc i have you max: *blushes* chloe: *winks* rachel from across the room: are you fucking kidding me

max: thank you for teaching me how to lie :) chloe: no problem ;) next week: stealing! rachel: THAT is what you call a “bonding activity” chloe???

max: whatever you’re thinking right now stop it chloe: what? max: you always make that face when you’re about to say something stupid so cut it out- chloe: i love you max: chloe: chloe: cereal qualifies as a soup max: *leaves*

max: *panicking, running into the kitchen* CHLOE i told rachel that i’m gonna make dinner but i can’t cook for shit help me!! chloe: *pouring milk directly into the cereal bag* you’ve come to the right person

chloe: *kicks the G off the graveyard sign* chloe: let’s get this party started

chloe: good news and bad news max: okay... bad news first chloe: the fire we started in the kitchen is out of control max: WHAT???? chloe: *holding a perfectly toasted pop tart* now the good news! :D

chloe: *coming out of the shower* ghost: *writes “YOUR GOING TO DIE” on the mirror* chloe: *corrects it to “YOU’RE” and leaves*

max: are you a cuddler? chloe: I’M A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DISTRU- yeah i’m a cuddler

chloe: let’s split the $10 between all of us rachel: sure max: sounds like a plan chloe: *is tearing the $10 into thirds* rachel: max: chloe: what???

chloe: you have a sweet looking ass max: what was that? chloe: i said you have nice eyes max: i liked the first one better chloe: *spits out water*