Luke

When the poop isn’t coming out or ending so you have to progressively strip more and more clothes off. It’s that serious.

Cant wait to grank it tonight. @MarkGajewski15

New adhd hack just dropped: put a bowl of dnd dice on your kitchen table while you eat. Now I get to play a game while getting my nutrients in

Who created the word “aunt” and chose to make it sound weird when i say “aw-nt”, but nice to say “aw-nt-ee”. But then vice versa Nice to say “ant” and not “ant-ee”

Skirt so short it look like a belt

I just ran my crockpot for 4 hours, checked my food. I never plugged it in. Also the holiday has the public libraries closed, but not my job. What a day.

Can we turn up these breeding rates please?

My therapist called me a “sweet boy” twice today

As a white male who dresses like your ex girlfriend’s father, having college students dap me up when leaving is so validating.

I think I’m pro-hologram

Manifesting going from my Uncle Joey arc to my Uncle Jesse arc 2026

It’s always “it’s so cold outside” and never I want to hold your hand and cuddle so close that I’m inside your shirt with you pressing up against you and stealing every minuscule decimal of heat from your body until my bones no longer chill and my skin is burning with the intensi

I come in to work at 9am. Dressed hot as fuck mind you, and my employer has the audacity to not have a parking space reserved for me… I parked in the STUDENT parking lot.. excuse me. Disrespectful.

At what age does it become inexcusable to jot check the weather before going out?

Anxiety attacks are like every thought that’s ever existed playing 360 pong inside your fucking skull.

Sometimes you just need to puke it all on the table to remember that the Chinese food was there.

When I watch Detroit sports: Lions - lose Tigers - lose Pistons - lose Wings - lose I’m a curse

My football team doesn’t care how jolly the day. It wants to ruin mine.

I think… I’m starting to recognize that my personality is just based off Justin Bieber in the music video for Mistletoe

Charlie Kirk’s alleged assassin Tyler Robinson was video game ‘savant’ who played Wordle less than an hour before shooting trib.al/0p1hzYV