Laur

I love pho because I can eat it for twenty minutes and somehow there is more food than when I started

Dipping my Trader Joe’s samosas in ranch and it feels like a hate crime

“When I watched Sex and the City I saw myself in Carrie, so I knew I needed to change my behavior.” @itsaziza

Hey Google, is it bad for cat’s sleep cycle to be woken up with kisses every hour?

The spring ant infestation has started at my apartment and they keep committing s****de in my toilet, like damn is it that bad in here?

@Alex_J_Mason I’m officially starting a movement !!

A Friday night concert at 30 means sitting on a stool in the back fighting demons because you had pizza and a beer beforehand

@Banuntil I did not in fact install it lmaooo maybe someday we will

@L_Hammerstein i got 2 under my sink waiting for me to install. maybe a year now

I’ve had a bidet sitting around for months that I might finally install Bidet’s the day

if you want to date me, you have to defeat my 7 evil avoidant-dismissive behaviors

“Who’s that really good white guitarist who was on like The Chappell Show and stuff?” “…….. not John Mayer?” “Yes, that’s him!!”

Me before I’m about to say something real cunty: “Is this a safe space?”

I was trying to be clever and say “doth my eyes deceive me,” but instead I said, “doth my eyes perceive me”

What if we stood close and clipped starabiners 👉🏼👈🏼

Life’s all about the little bits you do for yourself (and Twitter)

If I see one more straight couple make out in a gay bar, I’m committing a hate crime I stg

Where your mom hangs out in the summer

Cindy Lou Who straight up just needed some Zoloft Girly, Christmas is right here!!

Sorry I can’t make it, it’s dark by 6pm and I have an astigmatism and also I don’t want to.