Southwark Labour

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time mistakenly commissioning an oral history of her time as leader of the opposition, rather than the history of oral during her time as leader of the opposition she intended

Ldr of the opn Clr AlSamerai should spend less time, after developing system of coloured belts inspired by judo to indicate levels of Anood mastery, only earning the lowest-ranking, purple belt, for failing to bribe the instructor, which is a requirement for achieving higher rank

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time inspired by US presidents in planning for post-leader of the opposition career by developing plans for library-cum-mausoleum to house her papers, body in the Shard, which is to be seized by eminent domain

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time surprising group of school children by showing up at their football practice with Southwark-born professional footballer and then stealing from their bags while they are distracted

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time using ancestry.com to find wealth forebears, lay claim to the contents of their graves

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time misunderstanding the warning 'Beware Big Brother' and devising plan to have eldest son exterminated in all families with two or more children where there is male child who is not youngest

Ldr f th opn Clr AlSamerai shld spnd less time, instead of using insights from behavioural sci 2 'nudge' people 2 act in own self-interest (organ donation, pension contribs), nudging them 2 act in her self-interest by making bribes opt-out, printing ballots w/ her name pre-marked

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time volunteering her forensic facial reconstruction skills to police for use in cold cases since all she does is take human skull and put a clown mask on it

Leader of the oppn Cllr AlSamerai should spend less time arguing that calling Asian giant hornets 'murder hornets' unfairly labels all of them as murderers, even those that don't murder, just as calling her 'killer councillor' unfairly ignores all the times she didn't kill people

Leader of the opposition Cllr Al-Samerai should spend less time engaging in social media dispute with the Allied Nursing Organisations of Denmark over which ANOOD has done more to help humanity, noting that stealing from the poor teaches them important lesson in self-sufficiency

Leader of the opposition Cllr Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time claiming tax-exempt status for herself on basis of religion after being described so often as 'the Devil herself' that she just assumes she is the deity whom Satan worshipers refer to in their rites/invocations

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time, in response to fear that some reptiles may claim seniority over her after learning of their long lifespans, passing legislation that all reptile years now count for one-tenth of human years

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time exploring plan for temporary rent increases for anyone who's on a staycation, because they're basically treating their home like an Airbnb and those go for way more than typical rents

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time being disappointed that when police name murder victims they always choose regular, boring names, instead of good ones like Reginald Bludginton-Sexphyxiate or Stabitha Wren-Buttplug

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time having to destroy her flea circus after it transpired the trained fleas were carriers of plague bacteria and had infected entire audience

Leader of the opposition Cllr Al-Samerai should spend less time being disappointed that after a misunderstanding not only did she lose the bodybuilding contest, she also murdered all those people for nothing wasted their valuable body parts on a useless Frankenstein's monster

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time, after being in viral video 'Woman Makes Friends with Octopus while Scuba Diving', stabbing octopus in the back by talking trash about it to all its octopus friends

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time explaining why her fight against the 1% involved smashing up both a care home and a nursery by noting that everyone is in the top 1% of something

Leader of the opposition Cllr Al-Samerai should spend less time clarifying that her 'Transition to Anood Now!' campaign slogan did in fact refer both to a change in council leadership and the demand that the public should immediately become more like Anood in behavior/appearance

Leader of the opposition Councillor Anood Al-Samerai should spend less time claiming a finger slip caused her tweet proclaiming Southwark pride to feature three eggplant emojis followed by three peach emojis instead of the intended the emoji of the Southwark coat of arms