Alex Apati

July 2020 - Hands, Face, Space. July 2021 - Hands, touching hands. Reaching out. Touching me. TOUCHING YOUUUUUUU.

How do you go from that to that in 48 hours? Snooker is class.

You could have watched Reservoir Dogs, with a toilet break, in the time it took them to play that frame.

@NUFC @AndyHa_

Jonjo Shelvey has announced his retirement from football and has been appointed head coach of UAE side Arabian Falcons. Congratulations on a magnificent playing career, Jonjo! We wish you every success in the future 🖤🤍

Seventh in the league when it comes to expected goal difference, you'll never sing that 🎶

@WeahsCousin Yeah funny

“Right Steelo, talk me through that moment. You’re sat at home, the Mrs has got TOWIE on haha, Tommy T rings up and says “Jason you’re in the England squad mate.” That must have been a sick buzz man, one minute you’re regular old J Dogg at Northampton and now you’re top dog”

Jason Steele has got to be the most 'I thought it was one of the lads winding me up!' inclusions of all-time, surely @FootballCliches?

Max Dowman becomes the first player born after Joe McElderry's X Factor win to score a Premier League goal.

@WeahsCousin I'd have said Man I Need personally

They used Man In Need? Hit the post again ffs

My nap of the week is ITV to use Sam Fender and Olivia Dean’s ‘Rein Me In’ over their ending montage of the day one highlights today.

Difficult to make much of a case for him when you look at that run since he took over. Real shame though because I thought we looked great for about eight minutes against Boro, nine games ago.

August Priske heads home but the linesman has given offside. 🔵 0-0 🟢 | 90+5' | #BCFC

Completely comical at this point.

Jade: "I was getting so frustrated by you constantly interru-" James: "I do apologise for that." #TheTraitors

happy #TraitorsUK finale night folks 🙌

God help us when the new manager bounce wears off... #wba

@stusfootyflash Lots to take in here @FootballCliches - extra points for correct chanting of "One Warren Baldwin" & having a fourth official check studs. Not crazy about Candice nodding at "we're in time added on". Shocking free-kick but I'll allow it in the name of plot progression.

Weatherfield County action in Coronation Street from this week in 2005, featuring one of the worst free-kick shots you’re ever likely to see…

What a sentence

Corberan comes back, basically does what he does last time then jumps to the first Premier League club that wants him

@EyaWeGew Game against QPR last time out was genuinely pub football levels at times. Ball just bouncing off players, no one looking interested. For ages it felt like every team seemed to turn up and play their best stuff against us, but it's looking more and more like we're just crap

Let’s be honest, we’re a shit football team being led by a shit manager. Week in, week out it’s the same problems. No creativity, no attacking patterns, and outside of one player (MJ) there’s zero spark. There are no goals coming from midfield, the back four are constantly making basic errors, and the goalkeeper is quite frankly one of the worst I’ve seen at this club and that’s saying something given we had Button. This isn’t a quick fix. The squad needs a proper overhaul, and that includes the manager and coaching staff. Recruitment has been poor, coaching looks ineffective, and performances show no signs of improvement. The most worrying thing of all is that there’s no clear identity. I honestly couldn’t tell you what our style of play is meant to be. Possession? Counter-attack? Pressing? It’s none of the above. At the moment, watching us play brings no enjoyment at all it’s just the same old shit every single game. Happy New Year, Baggies 😂 #WBA

Some of the absolute dross in this division and halfway through the season we're closer in points to 23rd than we are 6th 🙃

Got a lot of time for how much Kevin Webster both does and doesn't do in this...