Tara Millette

tara_writes_a_bit on insta

I think if I hold out for one more week Hello Fresh will literally come to my door and cook all their food for free for the next 5 years

@missmulrooney Case CLOSED

@LazyGinger Yes, it was New Coke flavored.

All right guys, here’s your chance: please mansplain this joke to me, I don’t get it.

@missmulrooney I’m guessing an actual beeper? And part of the joke is that a cow would have a beeper? And also was this popsicle from 1986?

@LazyGinger That's so much better, but even so, what is a "beeper" in that context?

Damn, I need exercise. Sorry, an EXORCISM. I need an exorcism.

@ArielleDundas Teasing is the best way to flirt

The Zara website is truly ridiculous. I’m trying to see pants and they’re like “Wait— have you ever contemplated death in a hazy meadow”

Nothing prepares you for the deep lunge your baby takes when you’re trying to air out a diaper rash

@emilykmay Is it possible for a friendship to be codependent on one side? I had one of those in my 20’s and couldn’t understand her hurt feelings when I would say no to going out, or her passive aggressiveness when I didn’t meet some mysterious expectation.

If you had a codependent female friendship blow up in your 20s, what do you think the root issue was?

I actually like my boobs MORE after breastfeeding. They have a lot more character. It’s a character played by Droopy Von UnevenNips, but still

Bury me in one of my many pink bubble wrap Glossier bags

The first person to discover popcorn must’ve thought they were losing their absolute fucking mind

Me in my 20’s: *using sulfuric acid to strip oil out of my pores* ugh so shinyyyy Me in my 30’s: *violently shoving moisturizer into every pore* plz shiny plz

Yayayayay!! My fellow soup-aficionado and Twitter friend @Audrey_Burges wrote a FREAKING NOVEL!! Get it now!!

@Audrey_Burges Audrey, I 1000% will. You’re awesome. Congratulations!

@Audrey_Burges I pre-ordered!!! It needs to get to me NOW

@_dariussimpson “My love is building a building around you”

what’s a random line of poetry you say aloud or in ya head from time to time unprovoked?

@HopeRehak Ted Lasso, Abbott Elementary, Schitt’s Creek, Superstore, The Good Place, Girlfriends, The Big Brunch

Okay @Monkeypaw and @JordanPeele…hear me out. #M33GAN