Lee Martin

😉🩶😏

Every attorney has a line they never expected to say out loud. Mine was: "Your Honor, the OnlyFans account is actually a marital asset." The husband wanted half. The wife insisted it was "personal expression" and therefore off-limits. She also insisted it barely made any money. We requested the 1099s. It was making more than my entire firm. Opposing counsel looked at the income figures and visibly reconsidered his hourly rate. We hired a valuation expert who, with an entirely straight face, explained subscriber churn, projected brand growth, and the economic value of her "top 0.3%" badge. The judge asked if we could use a different term than "Thirst Empire" in the record. We could not. The husband wanted an ongoing cut of future revenue. The wife said she'd rather delete the account. Our expert confirmed that nuking it would destroy a 8-figure asset. The courtroom went quiet while everyone processed that sentence. We settled: she kept the account, bought him out with a lump-sum payment, and signed a clause promising never to use his likeness or name in any content. As we left, he asked if he could at least get a free subscription. No. He has to pay.

YES.