Star-Lord

“What it’s really like being Star-Lord.”

@TheGodsIayer “… Okay, that’s also true. But look at us cooking and probably not leaving the house for three days. Adorable.”

@LegendSpaceGuy "That 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 goes without saying."

𝙎𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙨.

@TheGodsIayer “This is where you say I look even worse.”

@LegendSpaceGuy "........"

@TheGodsIayer “This is true. But come on, is this really such a bad thing? Besides your outfit. Because it’s… not great.”

@LegendSpaceGuy "You are to blame for everything, usually. I won't be stopping any time soon."

“Me being an idiot is still a thing.”

“Domesticated @TheGodsIayer is a thing.”

“Ugh.”

“I guess someone did miss me.”

Anchorman: Will Ferrell plays an alcoholic news anchor who has a news team who are a bunch of idiots. A female anchor joins them and kicks their asses. A dog gets punted off a bridge. Pandas are the most important news stories. News team brawls are deadly. 10/10 stars.

Like for Star-Lord to review a movie.

Desperado: Antonio Banderas is a mariachi out to get revenge by carrying guns in his guitar case. He and Salma Hayek have a spur kink. Banderas and two mariachi amigos shoot the shit out of everything. Machine gun and rocket guitar cases. Most badass musicians ever. 11/10 stars.

The Sound of Music: Julie Andrews teaches a family with way too many kids how to be happy and sing. The dad is some kind of badass submarine captain who tells the Nazis to shove it. They win a battle of the bands and then go on a fun family hike to Switzerland. 10/10 stars.

“I see you.”

The Magnificent Seven: Yul Brynnsr and Steve McQueen get a crew of gunslingers together to help a bunch of farmers fight some bad hombres. Almost everyone gets pumped full of lead and tons of good guys and bad guys die. The farmers are the real winners. Cowboys rock. 11/10 stars.

Does Thor do any shampoo advertisements?

Like to find out a recent internet search made by Star-Lord.

“I need a vacation.”

Jurassic Park: Dinosaurs do dinosaur things and eat a bunch of idiots who brought dinos back. The guy from Seinfeld is in it and so is Samuel L. Jackson. Also Jeff Goldblum. Needed more dino on dino violence. Also, why only one T. Rex? Give the people what they want! 9/10 stars.

Predator: Arnold Schwarzenegger and a bunch of super-jacked dudes say one-liners and kick ass in the jungle. Plot twist: They’re actually getting hunted by an alien who is kind of a bitch for wearing crazy camouflage. Everyone dies except Arnold and the chopper. 11/10 stars.

“Nope.”

“Time to do nothing.”

“I always have a Plan B. It just isn’t always finalized.”