Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

You're probably not bad at relationships. You're just working with bad information. 25 years of research, translated into something you can actually use. 29,000+ people read it every week. You can too. → psychologyofrelationships.substack.com

Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand so you can start the day feeling slightly incompetent.

“Life” isn’t one absolute or predetermined thing. “Life” is where you put your energy, your attention, and love.

No one likes to settle. But it’s time to rethink that and be a bit more strategic. If you aren’t clearly differentiating your “non-negotiables,” from your “nice-to-haves,” from your “nitpicks annoyances,” you may just be self-sabotaging. open.substack.com/pub/psychology…

We're told to "find our passion," but passion isn't found, it's developed. The most passionate people (and relationships) I know didn't start that way. But they did stay with something long enough to create the passion.

You should settle. There, I said it. Here's why the people most happily in love almost certainly did and why refusing to settle is keeping you single.

Your date was amazing, and you're dying to text them. But you don't want to mess it up. When's the best time to text according to science? @PsychToday psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-ps…

In healthy relationships disagreements aren't destructive...they're opportunities to better understand each other.

If you don’t date intentionally, you’ll going to waste a lot of time in bad relationships.

You’re not asking for too much in your relationship. You’re just asking the wrong person.

We're told to "find our passion," but passion isn't found, it's developed. The most passionate people I know didn't start that way. They just stayed with something long enough to get good at it.

You might be letting the wrong people in if: → Chaos feels comfortable → You mistake anxiety for chemistry → You allow rare good moments to excuse bad behavior → You operate from "I can make this work" instead of "is this actually working?" None of these are character flaws. They're patterns. Patterns can change.

We want to be “ready” for the good things: to date, to commit, to take a leap. We wait until we feel certain, polished, prepared. But the truth is, we’re never ready for the hard things. The losses. The heartbreak. The setbacks. And somehow, when they arrive, we handle them. We adapt. We grow.

When a guy says he isn't ready for commitment or doesn’t want a relationship...BELIEVE HIM. The incentives make it much more likely that a guy would say he IS READY for commitment/relationship when he's not. Him telling you he wants to keep it casual is honest.

Is there anything more pathetic than getting rejected for pretending to be someone you’re not?

Cross-cultural study (N = 6,338, 12 nations) Those in (good) relationships have better wellbeing than single people. But…being in a bad relationship is worse for wellbeing than being involuntarily single. Relationship status matters, but relationship quality matters more.

The best dating advice you’ll ever receive is: Once you decide they’re not for you...Block them.

Dating Truth: Make sure that the partner qualities you're optimizing for in your twenties will be what sustains you in your 30s and 40s and beyond. (Hint: Focus on character and compatibility, not chemistry).