Sally McSlutsky

Sometimes I eat a popsicle for fun or because it's hot out.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not pretending to be someone I’m not.

You should always be careful on how you choose your friends because they are the ones that will back you up one day

The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.

For every "Like" I get on Facebook, I'll remove an article of clothing.

Hey! Boy! Sometimes when I blow you, it's not just a gift! Hit me back brotha!

The spaces between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine

I was too tired to have sex last night, so I did a "guy taking advantage of girl sleeping" role-play with my horny boyfriend.

Hurry up traffic! I gotta use these fresh batteries asap!

Sometimes I give a mediocre guy mediocre head- just so he doesn't fall in love. #dontbreakhearts

Yelling, "HEY SLUT!" and laughing when at least 15 girls turn around.

You'll never reach your destination if you keep stopping to tell everyone where you've been and what you've accomplished.

Thank god "Tomorrow is Friday" is trending right now. Without seeing that, I would have had no idea what tomorrow was.

Sometimes I wish I were a bird. It's not because they can fly, it's because they have the ability to shit on people.

Dear Rihanna, You get mad when I hit you, but excited whenever whips and chains are around? Sincerely, Chris Brown.

That awkward moment when two people start a conversation on your facebook status.

Only ugly people have to come up with excuses. I'm me. Deal with it.

Never make eye contact while licking a popsicle.

I don't understand why my smart phone allows me to make so many dumbass decisions.

I am submitting my application to be part of the Kardashian family