Mr Pickles

Feelin like fools gold as if it’s a good thing.

Time to set everything on fire, including Turkey.

Sometimes you just have to accept you completely failed and move on.

Maybe the problem was always just me.

Tonight is the first session playing my 20 adventure campaign with my local crew. I'm always curious how groups deviate in choices, about what ending each group desires. Then again, everybody might get drunk and forget that I spent a year writing a campaign that doesn't matter.

Recovering from the session zero with locals. Turkey wants to play the healer, as a hunter. Owen wants to play the killer of gods, as a fisherman. Wyatt demanded to play a pickleball star even though pickleball is fictional in all realities. Jed left, can't have two hunters here.

After finding out that Turkey tricked me into thinking he died during a pickleball brawl, I've convinced everybody to play in my Traveler campaign as retribution. Jed himself said he'd "play the eff outta Towel's board game." Tonight is session zero.

I had resigned myself to living in a buddy comedy about a dude and his redneck ghost friend, but while walking with Turkey this morning I heard a neighbor say, “Good morning Turkey.”

@chysonallite He told me he’d shine as bright as the moon as long as he drank moonshine.

@LoserAdventurer You have to do a seance with the deceased's favorite brand of beer, whiskey, or moonshine.

I’m beginning to think I’m being haunted by the ghost of my dead pickleball friend Turkey. If anybody knows how to appease a redneck ghost that likes sports that totally exist, let me know.

@chysonallite The pickleball contest didn’t end well. To be fair, they shouldn’t have been chugging a 20 oz beer each time they scored a point. And hatchets don’t belong on a pickleball court.

@LoserAdventurer Oh no what happened?!

Turkey’s funeral is this Friday.

The pickleball tournament did not end on agreeable terms. Still recovering from the aftermath.

@chysonallite After a lot of shouting and motorcycle stunts, the locals from my river trash town are going to offer the parking lot of Roland’s Gas Station if we lose. If we win, we will get the parking lot of Nick’s Tavern. Allegedly, they have great wings there, so the boys are pumped.

@LoserAdventurer What are the terms of this regional duel?

Got destroyed in a sport I didn’t know existed. I suggested to Owen, Jed, and Turkey that we challenge one of the crews from the lumber trash town. Based on the volume of the response, I think it’s on.

Owen and Jed have just taught me about the real sport that is Pickleball. Apparently it's popular in river trash towns and rich resorts. Something about don't go in the kitchen and don't just dink for the sake of dinking. Plastic ball and paddleboards.

I honestly thought “Skeeter” was the worst fake name. Being called Towel is… painful.

I told Owen, Jed, and Turkey that I’m going to make a podcast about movies. “You would say that, Towel” they say.

Recreational noise is critical among my local population to broadcast your place in society. The louder the noise, the more respected you are by those passing by. Needless to say, my neighbor who revs his motorcycle for 15 minutes every day at 5 AM is one of the top dogs here.

@theofficialrath Turkey is the only one I know who doesn’t point when he says “Beer” but that’s cause everybody knows Turkey doesn’t care what you pour for him.