L hoarder

Chief Keef changed my life

@XboxGamePass fuck you

@XboxGamePass fuck you

@XboxGamePass fuck you

@netflix fuck you

Fuck you @netflix

@netflix fuck you

they purposely make Costco gas stations small as hell - just another reason to hate the establishment

Beat Bobby Flay but it’s not a cooking competition and everyone has sticks and Bobby Flay is hanging from the ceiling like a piñata

entering my stromboli era

not Olive Garden trying to fill me up with breadsticks and soup before my Never Ending Pasta Bowl ™️ I’m not falling for your Italian tricks

I’m going to create a game show called Wheel of Misfortune and if you lose Pat Sajak shoots one of your parents

What’s wrong babe? You’ve barely touched your neurodivergence questionnaire

editors note: sandwiches, not trains

the mysticism of a subway open 24/7…what secrets you must hold

that constant fear that your parents are not tipping enough at restaurants

at my funeral I want them to play the chicken dance song and everyone has to do the dance while they’re sobbing

I find it absolutely ridiculous that I have to go to a mall to enjoy a soft pretzel

melodica is gateway drugs to accordion

you in her DMs, I’m feeding her Slim Jim’s on FaceTime

nothing mid about this life crisis baby