Meirion Trow

Brilliant news - Colonel Oleksandr Sak, commander of the 47th Brigade is making advances against Russia at only 28. But Napoleon Bonaparte was 26 when he knocked 7 bells out of the Austrians. And Alexander the Great was well on his way to conquering a third of the world by then.

The British Army is about to take possession of the Stealth H52 Mountain Bike: max speed 50mph; range 44 miles; recharge time, 3 hours. That will bring any enemy to its knees! Next up, chariots! As far as you want on a couple of handfuls of hay.

Deja vu! British armed forces are having to work with substandard equipment. They always did. In 1854, British cavalry swords broke on impact with Russian bodies. The swords were made in Birmingham, giving Birmingham a bad name for decades.

Oh dear! Respected historian Dominic Sandbrook thinks Richard III killed the princes in the tower. He has fallen for the usual old Tudor propaganda. The real killer was Dr John Argentine, the boys' physician, suffering from a God complex. amazon.co.uk/Killer-Princes…

The Rooswijk sank in 1740 and its cargo has just been recovered. 100 sabre blades have been found without hilts. Archaeologists believe they're in an unopened chest. Er, no - the hilts were going to be made and fitted in Britain, which is why the ship was off the British coast.

According to today's papers, Britain has only forty tanks to go into battle against a potential enemy like Russia. That wasn't a problem for General Scarlett's 300 cavalrymen in October 1854 when they trounced a Russian force four times their size. amazon.co.uk/Charge-Heavy-B…

The king of the Netherlands has apologised for his country's links with slavery. Will he now apologise for stealing the British flagship in 1664 and helping to set up the disgustingly racist Boer Republic in South Africa? No? Thought not.

In today's news, there is a comment from a Russian spokesman that the Russian army 'used to be regarded as the second best in the world'. When was that? 1723? Since Peter the Great, they have relied on the weather and numbers.

The MoS talks about 'the difficult search for a standard bearer for Russian democracy' but there has never been democracy in Russia. Under the absolutism of the Tsars and the absolutism of the Bolsheviks and the absolutism of Putin, democracy has never been allowed!

John Cleese has had to cut part of the Life of Brian script for his stage show because nobody is taught Latin any more. 'Romanes eunt domus' (Romans Go Home) could perhaps be replaced by 'Felix Sum' (I am a cat) - still Latin, I grant you, but perhaps more 'now'. Or meow?

Hollywood actress Zendaya was refused entry to an Italian restaurant yesterday for incorrect dress. Nice to see that standards are being upheld. Mercifully, Rome is not Hollywood and eating alongside bare midriffs is not to their taste!

Westminster School are dropping 'Sir' and 'Miss' to become 'more egalitarian'. If they really want equality, how about axing their obscene fees which are currently 50% above the median annual salary in Britain! Aux armes, citoyens!

Philippa Langley has found another king under a car park. I understand that Charles III has already earmarked a corner of the Lidl car park in Skegness to give future archaeologists some fun.

Silvio Berlusconi, one of a long line of corrupt Italian politicians stretching back to Julius Caesar. I fear we shall look on his like again.

Like it or not, the world is full of hierarchies. There are those in charge and those who aren't. Schools are the same. A headteacher has recently suggested 'Sir' & 'Miss' are no longer acceptable. This upsets the hierarchical balance - kids; teachers are in charge. Live with it!

There isn't much in the news today so I will share the fact that we had much to do with the RAC over the weekend and from start to finish, everyone was amazing. One thing that was disappointing, though - no one was wearing uniform and we didn't get a single salute! Great though!

Schoolchildren are being taught that we are all descended from immigrants. Technically true but as always with teachers simplified & misconstrued to follow a warped agenda. As a Celt I have been here longer than most of you but we need to keep our perspective as we always should.

Eco-ignoramus Peter Hart threw orange powder over the pitch during the Saracens/Sale match yesterday. He said it was his duty as a doctor to stop oil, which is odd because there are 100s of medical items including drugs and PPE which rely on petroleum products!

When I was little one of the highlights of spring was feeding lambs with a bottle. They had lost their mothers and the farmer did his best to keep them alive. So, why are 'eco warriors' removing lambs from their mothers by force? Why do they think that is a good thing?

Why do we have a National Crime Agency? Called 'Britain's FBI', it is totally unnecessary. By all means create a single police force, but stop stealing ideas from America where federalism is a national disaster!