MLBCels

Aroldis Chapman fastball to the dick

My love life has so much promise at times but will ultimately always be a disappointment Basically my love life is Steven Matz

@Tedbro41 Broke my fucking leg celebrating a Luis Rengifo bunt single and missed the end of the game I can never do one single thing right

@MLBCels Update?

Getting no hit by Dustin May in 2026 and the only tickets I could afford are sitting up here with Bob Uecker, I should just jump from the terrace level right now

Saw this on my drive home from work today and it made me think of Eddy Yean I am such a fucking loser that the only thing I’m good at is remembering failed Nationals prospects

If the Padres don’t score on Cristopher Sanchez today, I’m going to kill myself

I work for minimum wage at Subway and finally saved up enough to afford MLB TV to watch my favorite team the Tigers this year. 13 games under .500 and got smoked by the angels last night. Happy lunch break to me

Came all the way to Cleveland for this view I just want to watch my fucking Nats but the usher won’t let me move seats. I tried complaining to a supervisor but she just told me to “stop being a little sissy” Can’t even see our shitty 3 hitter with a .582 OPS between these poles

The Brewers actually stopped the Tarps Off movement because I went up there and took my shirt off and I’m so fat and repulsive they had to shut it down. Great breakout season for Kyle Harrison so far

Went to watch my cubbies this weekend just to see them lose their 8th straight Stepped on the scale this morning and saw I’ve gained 8 more pounds My weight officially starts with a 4, I should kill myself

Walked into Rate Field and they said you are rated a 0/10. I thought it was just a sponsor but its a real thing I don’t need everyone to see that I’m a 0/10 on the jumbotron. I just wanted to watch Edgar Quero live in person and Now everyone point and laugh