The Shallot | MLR's Nicest News Source

OOTC is investigating reports that Elon Musk is holding The Shallot hostage in their basement 😔

Marlins trade RF Bench Warmer to Giants in exchange for empty promises.

Sources inside the Yankees front office suggest move to Atlantis unlikely.

Cubs promote WoodCutter Jones to Captain.

Tigers trade 1B Wonder Francoh to Braves in exchange for a bag of baseballs.

Darth Vader found to be tied to Charlie Looper in potential alternate account controversy.

"Jamahal Jenkins is the best player I ever played against." - J.T. Foxx.

Lee Allen Ripley reaches contract incentive, paid out entirely in Cheech Coin.

Barney Summers diagnosed with right wrist inflammation due to playing too much Guitar Hero. Underwent surgery this morning.

Hannibal Bligh was shot in the face with a shotgun. Rehab assignment has been shut down.

Yankees sign Jamal Jackson to minor league deal, in an interesting move.

Maximus Os sues league over use of likeness in collaboration with Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in an interesting move.

OOTC is investigating reports that Dirtbag Darrell is holding the Marlins hostage in their basement.

OOTC is investigating reports that Hunter West is holding the Angels hostage in their basement, fans rejoice!

Cubs fire Co-General Manager WoodCutter Jones.

Brutus Devlin dislocated their shoulder trying to win a ripping phone books in half contest. At least they won. Underwent surgery this morning.

Pontius Inebrius suffering from blurred vision after rubbing lotion in their eyes at an Eric Clapton concert. Has been cleared to play catch.

Padres beat reporter suggests move to the Gulag may be coming this offseason.

Dodgers trade P Assassin Xekutioner to Mariners in exchange for empty promises.

OOTC is investigating reports that Emerson is holding the Expos hostage in their basement.