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When Andy Goram had three months left on his Motherwell contract, he already knew he was not getting another one.
He was coming towards the end of his career, driving to training with his wife Miriam, and the phone rang at half nine in the morning.
It was Ally McCoist.
That was suspicious enough on its own.
Ally did not usually phone people at half nine in the morning unless he was still coming in from the night before.
So Goram spoke to him, thought nothing more of it, and went into training.
At lunchtime, the phone went again.
This time it was Walter Smith.
Walter was at Everton then, but he told him to keep his phone on because somebody was about to ring him.
“What is it, gaffer? You got a job for me?”
Walter just told him:
“Just keep your f****** phone on.”
A couple of minutes later, the phone rang again.
“Goalie, it’s Alex Ferguson here.”
“We’ve got Bayern Munich on Wednesday and Liverpool at the weekend. Barthez is injured and Raimond van der Gouw is struggling. I need you to come down on loan until the end of the season.”
Goram knew exactly what was happening.
Ally McCoist could do Ferguson’s voice perfectly.
So he gave the only answer that made sense.
“Coisty, f*** off.”
And he put the phone down.
Then the phone rang again.
This time Goram told Miriam to answer it.
“Miriam, this is Alex Ferguson, and you can tell that fat b****** he’s got ten seconds to say aye or naw.”
It really was Sir Alex Ferguson.
So Andy Goram went to Manchester United.
Steve McClaren took him round the dressing room and introduced him to the squad.
Goram knew most of them already.
Then they got to Roy Keane.
No handshake.
Just Keane staring at him.
Goram looked at him and said:
“There’s no point is there?”
Keane just said:
“No.”
And that was it.
Keane was a Celtic man.
Goram was a Rangers man.
They did not exchange a civil word in three months.
Training did not exactly help.
They were playing eight-a-side one day, and Keane and Luke Chadwick were up front for Goram’s team.
Goram pinged a half-volley straight on to Chadwick’s foot.
Chadwick snatched at it and put the volley over the bar.
Keane turned on Goram straight away.
“Hey you, give me the f****** ball.”
Goram was not having that.
“What, do you get the ball just because you’re Roy Keane? F*** off.”
From that moment, the atmosphere was gone.
On the way off the pitch, Gary Neville came over to him.
“Goalie, we don’t talk to Roy like that down here.”
“We just don’t.”
Goram wasn’t ready to start building relationships.
“F*** off Nev, do you just do everything Roy wants? Now do one.”
Neville just walked away without saying another word.
#football
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