Matt Passet
12.6K posts
Matt Passet
@MPasset
Producer for @LastWeekTonight w/ John Oliver. Statistician for John F. Kennedy High School Varsity Basketball Team 1997-1999.
New York Katılım Eylül 2010
730 Takip Edilen5.3K Takipçiler
Been seeing some really cool pics from outer space. Is this part of that Katy Perry thing?
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“UConn Duke it.” - Rob Schneider
Remember when this kind of bad joke is what Twitter was for.
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Hate to add to what’s already a rough week for Wilt Chamberlain, but I just had sex tonight with my 21,000th woman, shattering his record.
Barstool Sports@barstoolsports
Most consecutive 20 point games: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander: 127 Wilt Chamberlain: 126 Greatness
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Matt Passet retweetledi
Hey White House, please remove the Tropic Thunder clip. We never gave you permission and have no interest in being a part of your propaganda machine. War is not a movie.
The White House@WhiteHouse
JUSTICE THE AMERICAN WAY. 🇺🇸🔥
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Rube Goldberg’s wife was probably always like “just pour the fucking cereal into the bowl!”
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The punishment for being exposed as part of Jeffrey Epstein’s criminal sex trafficking circle shouldn’t be you have to step down from whatever cushy bullshit billionaire job you have at your dumb fucking corporation. It should be prison.
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Whoa, look at President fucking Don Quixote over here.
Aaron Rupar@atrupar
Trump: "We've basically stopped all windmills in this country"
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“Jeff Epstein the New York financier? I’m pretty sure if there was some news about Jeff Epstein, I would’ve heard.”
- Pam Bondi, today
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This is the smallest of small points but Bawitdaba isn’t English either.
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More dignified than the president.
Elmo@elmo
That Bunny was AMAZING. Elmo thinks he should be called Good Bunny! Elmo loves you, Mr. Good Bunny! ❤️🎶🐰
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Saw new SpongeBob movie today. Here is my takeaway:
Scrubs is SpongeBob!
J.D. is SpongeBob, Turk is Patrick, Cox is Squidward, Kelso is Mr. Krabs, Elliot is Sandy.
The movie was good but was hard to focus on the plot when all I kept thinking was Scrubs is SpongeBob.
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I’m always thinking about Oz Pearlman’s mom just in case he ever comes at me with that “I know who you’re thinking of” bullshit.
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This is a really cool name for a network. Because MS is shorthand for a debilitating autoimmune disease that is very sad, and this network name suggests that yes I want that disease, and I want it now!
Pop Base@PopBase
MSNBC is being rebranded to MS NOW. The new acronym stands for ‘My Source (for) News, Opinions (and the) World.’
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Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Just hearing about this now. Call me baby! Did anybody say that yet? Am I still first? Call me baby! Like the song but with baby!
Pop Crave@PopCrave
🚨Carly Rae Jepsen announces she’s pregnant.
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Being a parent is so hard. My wife doesn’t like for my son to use the word “sucks” but then how am I supposed to respond when he asks me about the Jets?
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6-7 gives me hope for the future. There's an entire generation out there who doesn't give a fuck what adults are up to & what we're destroying & how much we're fucking up. They have their own shit going on & they're all in on it together & it's fun & it doesn't involve us at all.
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