caris436

@BusariZion @drharveee @heis_peg Down bad, boy, down bad.

@drharveee @heis_peg Real nigga will suck that breast

Your friend yells "HELP" and you turn around and see this. What's your next move?

@jjoluyemi_96 @amuche47710 Without a doubt.

@amuche47710 Ganarcho

Without being biased, mention that Premier League forward you believe will miss from there

@NwufohMakuo It means you're very funny 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

I was in my final year in university then, i went to visit her early in the morning on her birthday, with her birthday cake I cracked a joke and someone was laughing from her wardrobe 😭😭😭😭

@VillageParrot @Just_Habeeb001 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

@Just_Habeeb001 LMFAOOOOOOOO. Your name should be Sapastus

Skill issues lol. Before you warm am today, get a container filled with little water, pour the beans inside, rinse am again like you just wan cook am. Pour am back inside the pot, put half cup of red oil, half maggi, sprinkle salt if needed, rewarm on low heat. This way you can enjoy it for another 3 days or more.

@BSAT_Properties I dey pity people for Agungi for that canal own.

LIST OF LAND OWNERS THAT WILL CRY ANY TIME SOON OR IN FUTURE If you are a Landlord and your building or land doesn't meet the requirements below, go and buy towel, your tears is coming soon HIGH TENSION 1. 11kv wires you must leave 6 metres or more space 2. 33kv wires, you must leave 11 metres space 3. 132kv, you must leave 30 metres space 4. 330kv, you must leave 50 metres space 5. Power substation, you must leave 12 metres from the boundary fence FOR WATER AND CANALS 1. Ocean/sea, you must leave 150 metres space 2. Lagoon, you must leave 50 metre space 3. River/Canal, you must leave 15 metre space 4. Stream/Drainage, you must leave 15 metres FOR ROADS 1. Federal Highway, you must leave 45 metre or more 2. State Road, you must leave 30 metres or more 3. Street Road, you must leave 9 metres or more 4. Railway Line, you must leave 60 metres 5. NNPC Pipeline, you must leave 15 metres away from the edge of the pipeline Ignorance of the law is no excuse © Atanda

@Utdbeni Followed.

I have realized I can’t be negative forever so I want to back whoever the club appoints. If it goes well we all celebrate if it doesn’t we change the manager. No more hateful tweets from this user again 👍

@stfukhaleeed Lagoon front.

Mention a popular place in your university and someone will guess the name of the school. Connect in the comments. Let's goo

@boldmax44 @greatone_inme @peng_writer @PoliceNG 😂

@greatone_inme @peng_writer @PoliceNG Abi na,,, police is our friend 😊

The Lagos beggar that crossed my path today at Ikorodu Garage will think twice before approaching someone like me again in his life… that is if he didn’t go and repent after what I did to him. I was just on my own, heading to Oshodi. When I got to the BRT terminal, I saw a long queue. I quietly joined the standing line to secure my spot. After about 15 minutes, a bus finally showed up. I stepped out to go and load my card, only to realize I didn’t carry my pouch where I usually keep my Cowry card. I didn’t want to waste money buying another one cause I already have like three at home. So I left the queue and decided to take those mini buses going to Oshodi instead, because those red buses would just waste my time. As I was leaving the terminal, those Okada riders heading to Agric almost tore my clothes. At that point, frustration had already built up in my body. Then this beggar started following me up and down, as if my village people sent him. Meanwhile, I see him there almost every time around the Okada riders, begging. That was when I made up my mind: this one will carry all my frustration today. And somehow, it felt like God said, “Yes, go ahead, my son.” So I gave him audience, and he entered my trap. I asked him what happened. He said he was stranded and needed money to get to work at Oshodi, that his transport fare wasn’t complete. I asked, “How much do you still need?” He started stammering. I already knew the werey just wan lie collect money. I said, “No problem. Since you’re going to Oshodi, enter bus.” He said, “Ah, this small bus is expensive o. I prefer the red bus.” I told him, “Don’t worry, I’ll pay.” The guy quickly realized that my level of madness was higher than his and immediately entered the bus without argument. I sat in the front seat, and he sat behind me. Before the journey started, he leaned forward and said, “Egbon, you don’t need to spend this much on me. I can still go and take standing in the red bus.” I replied calmly, “Don’t worry, God will handle it.” In my mind, I knew God would handle the money, but I would handle him personally. We started the journey. Anytime I turned to look at him, he was frowning, probably thinking about how I had ruined his business for the day. Then we got to Ketu and this guy wanted to get down. I almost changed it for him, but I stayed calm. After I had paid ₦1500 for his transport to Oshodi, he now wanted to stop halfway? Impossible. When I saw him trying to alight, I said, “We haven’t reached Oshodi yet,” pretending like maybe he was confused. He replied, “Mo fẹ ra nkan ni ibi ni” (I want to buy something here). I said, “You have money to buy something in Ketu, but you don’t have money for transport to Oshodi?” I asked him what exactly he wanted to buy. Instead of answering properly, he just said, “Don’t worry, brother, I’ll get it in Oshodi.” At that point, I looked at him and said, “Whether you’ll get it in Oshodi or not, enter this bus now before I remove your teeth.” He quietly adjusted himself and sat down quietly with no arguments. We continued the journey. When we finally got to Oshodi, he was even reluctant to say thank you because, clearly, I didn’t help him; I stressed him. But that one no concern me. I helped him get to Oshodi like he claimed. From there, he can trek back to Ikorodu and continue his begging business. If he ever sees me again in Ikorodu, he will either run… or pretend he has never begged in his life. ©️ Yushab Abolore Ayomide

@peng_writer I enter bike today and elderly man from north I engage him ,discussed at length while enjoying the ride only for the man to say he knows more than 5O bikes man that are bokoharam in Lagos here oo my eye blurr I no even reached my bus top before I come down hmmm

@Kofi27590834370 @peng_writer 😂 😂 😂 😂

@peng_writer Also Him at Oshodi after you left

@CFC_OBED Angel Di Maria.

A player that your club signed that got you overly excited but disappointed you at the end ? 👀

@g_diets_ This account has opened my eyes wider than I could've ever imagined. You deserve millions of followers.

Two weeks ago, I told you your non-stick pan was feeding you plastic. Some of you threw out your pans. Good. Some of you asked: “What do I use instead?” Three things. CAST IRON. Heavy. Indestructible. Your great-grandmother’s generation cooked on iron and never heard of PFAS. Cast iron heats evenly, lasts forever, and actually adds iron to your food — especially when cooking acidic foods like tomato stew. Season it with palm oil or coconut oil. It gets better with age. Like your grandmother. STAINLESS STEEL. For boiling, steaming, and sauces. No coating to flake off. Nothing leaching into your food. Clean. Simple. Does the job without poisoning you. CLAY POT. The original. Your ancestors cooked in clay because it was safe, natural, and improved flavour. A clay pot for rice, soups, and slow-cooking will change how your food tastes. And your body will not have to filter chemicals while digesting. Your grandmother cooked in clay. You cook in chemicals. The food is the same. The vessel changed. And so did your health.

@SullyTalkz My take is keep Carrick till a world class manager becomes available like how City waited for Pep.

Luis Enrique is understood to be happy at PSG and has held positive talks in recent days over a contract extension. Enrique was highly rated internally at #MUFC which means another top candidate is ruled out for the head coach role. Michael Carrick is being seriously considered.

@the_beardedsina I almost had diarrhoea reading this.... Gave me ptsd.... I've also had to poo water in the bush before... I ate party vegetable the previous day...

Please don't judge me😞 2025, I had a Video shoot with a Media house. Shoot was in the morning/afternoon , after hours of shoot and being tired , I was driven to my hotel which was at Lekki. Later that night, my friend pulls up and says. Hey Sina! Let's go get a meal. I said sure. I pride myself as being a gourmet and I always love to try new meals. So he suggested we visited, one of the luxurious restaurants which was located at Admiralty Way, Lekki. My friend is also friend with a very popular content creator in Nigeria, so I met him at the restaurant, few talks. He asked what are we getting? Well, I go.. I'm not sure, He says. His fave is one special spaghetti..something.. something... A very fancy name That we should try it. Okay.. I guess if he made the recommendation, I'd believe since he does food content on Instagram, etc We got our meal and I headed back to my hotel. I decided to eat, a friend was with me. Few spoons. I noticed the food tasted somehow but I kept my cool. It was so expensive I was using side eye to look at my friend to see maybe he too will complain, by the time, he too couldn't take it. He just blurted.. He said Bro!! This food is tasting spoilt , I said yes. I thought it was me only . We had to trash the rest of the meal. Next day, My driver picked me up from the hotel in the morning because I was travelling to another state. I was in the car in Lagos , I felt a little Boborygmi but I thought. Oh well! Just the tummy having its pangs. By the time, we got to that Mowe side. It was as if there was Battle of Waterloo in my stomach. I sipped a little water. What was going on? Another 20 minutes or thereabouts, haaa. The movement in my stomach was increasing. I was sweating, then...then.. It was as if a liquid wanted to come out from my Anus Haaaa... Liquid poo on the highway. I mustered all my power, I used force to squeeze my butt ( you know what it mean) I tightened it like spanner. I was redirecting so much pressure to stop the poo from coming out. Haaa. It was as if the watery poo was determined to trickle out. I had to tell the driver to stop. You won't believe on Lagos- Ogun expressway. I had diarrhoea and was stooling. Damn. I had to run to a bush beside the road. It was as if my water burst. The kind of poopoo Yorubas call Igbe Olomi sororo was dripping out. The mound of watery poo that came out, you'd think I was making an ice cream platter for a patter. I stooled to the point that I was weak I had bottle water which I used to wash up. I had never felt like that , apparently I had suffered from Food poisoning, I was weak in the car and after we got to our destination I had to get medical treatment Till date, stooling in a bush on Lagos Ogun express high way is my most embarrassing moment Please don't judge me😞

Dem don dey spoil our life since primary school 😭😭

@kenkenlewu @HeyMillie_ "anonymous story teller"...

They gave my brother a slot in his office. I was about to round up my service then, so my dad told him to submit my name. He disagreed and gave his girlfriend the slot instead, they employed her. A few months later, she cheated on him with one of his bosses and later married the boss. My brother and I are not on talking terms to this day.

@Mykee070 @abfarmarena @chuofx @SimplyUtd I fear a reset... I don't want to start all over and "suffer"... Carrick can just move us in with his good vibes and get us right as rain, constantly.

@MR_LAMIDE @abfarmarena @chuofx @SimplyUtd Why he demands Standards and that's what we need.

🚨 JUST IN! Michael Carrick now has just TWO main rivals left in the race for the Manchester United job: • Luis Enrique • Julian Nagelsmann There’s a growing feeling inside the club that Carrick has outperformed other Premier League contenders, including Oliver Glasner, Marco Silva, Unai Emery, and Thomas Frank. [@TyMarshall_MEN]

@Mykee070 @abfarmarena @chuofx @SimplyUtd He is ego driven,he can sack a valuable member of the coaching staff for a very flimsy reason... Words fail me now, but he's a very controversial individual.

@MR_LAMIDE @abfarmarena @chuofx @SimplyUtd Please explain what you mean by unstable?

@ShegunTweets 11 ☺️

if you played these how old is your second born ?

@Seane2vr @chuofx @SimplyUtd They why has every other manager failed as well? It's not like we've been hiring only ex players?

@MR_LAMIDE @chuofx @SimplyUtd Ole did the same his results and performances before he got the full time job were better than Carricks. We’re too sentimental about ex players at United. All of fergies players have made crap managers. Apart from Zidane name one interim that has got a job full time and it worked