Maggie Machado

This. But replace “so tired” with “so pregnant.”

@AdobeSpark what happened to the featured graphics?

As we all binge The Bundy Tapes on @Netflix and share the trailer for the Zac Efron movie, please remember the victims. These women all had hopes and dreams. They should all have movies made about them. I always try to remember what these monsters took away. #TedBundyTapes

@lasabrareads EXACTLY

@Paulsaysthought Guardians all the way.

[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory] ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to— ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!

@belatibus Stop being a rebel for just like one second

Things I did say out loud during my first ever Brazilian: - “This is so bad” - “Is my legs gone?” - “Yeah, vacation is nice to go on vacation” - “Where did you put my asshole?” - “Mister Christ”

wait wtf should i go to coachella this year

my new year’s resolution 1920 x 1080

@kristen_j_ Wow. All I did was eat tortillas and try to find at least one pair of matching socks.

I felt this.

So sad that in just a few days bread and dessert will have calories again.

Favorite part of Christmas: watching my mom try to figure out how to use her Echo. She keeps shouting Siri. I’ll tell her it’s Alexa before we leave I swear.

Got Girl Wash Your Face for Christmas. 2 pages in and I’ve already spilled both Bloody Mary mix and whipped cream on it. Feels fitting. @msrachelhollis

If you’re home for the holidays and your midwestern mother hasn’t aggressively offered you bruschetta as a “little snack,” is she even your midwestern mother?

Ran out of milk and legitimately considered using Rumchata in my mac n cheese. WHO SAYS WEDNESDAYS AREN’T FOR LIVING DANGEROUSLY?

It's the Billy on the Street AMY POEHLER CHRISTMAS CAROL AMBUSH!!! A HOLIDAY CLASSIC!!!