Malcolm Strasdin

Imagine how much a movie can be altered by having the same premise as Ratatouille. Like for example Tim Allen in Santa Clause but he's just being controlled by a fucking rat! Like he's learning all these valuable lessons but it's actually just a fucking rat in his Santa hat lol

You're in her dms.. I'm starting arguments in the comment section of ritzcrackerscanada instagram ads. You have no fucking idea what I'm capable of.

When those Sydney Sweeney dress photos were posted I literally saw Cole Hadley clap his hands and his feet together at the same time.

I know I said I wouldn't explain myself, but I'm starting to feel really bad about that mean Kelly Clarkson tweet. I just heard that "because of you" song on the radio and remembered being very mad at how long that song was on the much music top 40. What a whiny ass song.

Kelly Clarkson is one of those celebrities that seems to have the perfect career. Not a single blemish on her reputation in the public eye, a real "girls girl" it seems. But I just fucking hate her and I shouldn't have to explain myself.

I'm thankful for my girlfriend, but it's so fucking hard to keep a Pickle wet in this house.

One time Jeff Oman asked for my secret hummus recipe and I said no.. but like the sneaky little salmon he is, he called my mom and got it from her. I never forgot about that so now I'm going to steal his secret corn beef hash recipe and also potentially fuck his mom.

If Cole Hadley had a piss fetish, that would be like the most normal thing about that weird little fucker. He reminds me of a sea lion, and if you know the first thing about me, it's that I fucking hate sea lions so much. Arf arf you fucking ocean clown.

If I want pictures of Vince 9 months pregnant, chatgpt should NOT be restricting it. What the fuck gives them the right to say it violates their terms. It's within my fucking terms to see some PREGNANT VINCE PICTURES FOR FUCK SAKES!

Happy wife, happy life! Sad wife.... No head :(

Cole Hadley's favourite movie is "Malibu's Most Wanted" starring Jamie Kennedy.. what a fucking loser, like actually fuuuuck Cole Hadley

Some people regret what they do when they are drunk.. this last weekend I blacked out and dm'd Dave Kelly from the 90's Saturday morning cartoon segment to wish him well and tell him how much I miss him.. I need to work on my drinking but atleast when I'm blackout I mean well.

If @arkellsmusic doesn't play "never thought that this would happen" tonight I'm going to eat a whole jar of catfish stink bait and lose an argument to myself in the mirror later on

@ErinMichelleM Are you yucking my yum rn?!

@MalcolmStrasdin MALCOLM

In my bed on all fours, straight JORKIN IT to Ana de Armas smile compilations bucking my legs out like a wild bronco

I have this problem where every time I get dummy dick wasted I keep adding my Uber drivers on instagram.. I'm the final boss of yappers.

@dakota2424 You have NO IDEA what you're talking about. Clay wouldn't stand for this type of misinformation!!

@MalcolmStrasdin You need to check your facts but Clay would have won if the phone lines had not been overloaded/busy!! Many like me and my family did not get in one vote for him #fail

I'm still absolutely rattled that Clay Aiken won over Ruben studdard on American Idol in 2003. It just doesn't sit right with me.

@MelikianMo36745 Literally fake news, anyone can edit a wikipedia page

@MalcolmStrasdin Clay did not win! Ruben won!! Where you been???

If Lina's Italian market was a pillow, it would be the cool side of a silk pillow (probably feathered) and I would shave my beard off just to feel that pillow as close to my skin as possible. I wouldn't take that pillow on road trips.. Just a little treat for when I'm back home.

Why do rappers always ask me to make some motherfucking noise at their shows, and then never say thank you.. fool me once Warren G