Male Humour™

The best conversations happen late at night.

We should all be thankful for Facebook & Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we never actually SEE our friends again.

100% done with this work week, and it's only Monday.

If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.

When I was a kid, sticking out your tongue was the equivalent of giving the middle finger.

The problem with Mondays is that they exist.

...and then God said "Fuck Monday" and created coffee.

If there's one thing I've learned from Xbox live it's that a lot of 12 year old's have "slept with my mom."

You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a great example.

Am I apart of the Republican or Democratic party? The hell you talkin bout, I'm a member of the Friday night party.

Wife meets the family, hoes meet the team.

Don't ever text me with a boring ass conversation....Wasting my unlimited texting and shit.

Oh you dated another douche bag and he screwed you over?? How fucking shocking.

Your favourite number is always gonna be the number on that jersey of that sport you kicked ass in and loved so much.

Bitches always be trippin..

Girls who enjoy drinking beer >

If you don't use your turn signal, I automatically assume you're a douche bag in every other aspect of your life.

A morning text doesn't only mean "good morning". It also means "I think about you when I wake up."

Don't ever interrupt a man while he's taking a shit.

Don't smoke cigarettes, there are way cooler ways to die.