Marial Elizabeth

Remember 7.27.17 husband left toilet seat up for pregnant wife to fall into in the middle of the night. #NeverForget #momlife #Survivor

@FatFreddysPat Eeeesh. I wish I could say I was surprised.

@MarialEliz Grooming underage gals. There's an awesome video of him figuring out that people can screenshot Snapchat pictures. I don't need him to die or anything but there's an unlimited supply of funnier people who haven't used their fame to lure proto-adults into sex.

My favorite part of this is all the comics who feel like they can't say no to working with him. To those comics I say "You're not funny and I hate you" To the clubs that book him I say "I hope your property burns down"

Face masks really lose their appeal when they feel like condoms.

Pancakes are like kids. Basically the same recipe every time but they all come out different. #kids #pancakes #SundayThoughts

I’m four frankencups deep and there’s no end in sight. Happy Halloween!! 🎃 #thisiswhywehavesomanykids

I’d like to thank all the teachers working tirelessly this year to keep our kids educated. I’m looking at you, Josh (Blues Clues). #Nickelodeon #privateschool #cheap #education

The only way I gauge time now is “wow another new Paw Patrol episode.” It must be Friday! #TGIF2020

Masks DO come in handy when changing a blowout diaper. That’s as political as I’m willing to get these days. #COVID19 #SilverLining

@storourk 🤣👌🏻

END OF SUMMER SPECIAL: if you date me starting now-ish I will avoid FIVE red flags and THREE toxic traits through the next shelter-in-place. Honestly, at this point the only rush is the next COVID surge. #datingover30

@ais4appel I’m deactivating too! 🙌🏻

Is it bad that I associate with Christine from @sellingonsunset ? Those braids tho! #bingeworthy

Oof. I get excited about wheat berries now. #old

The way I contort my body to breastfeed should be a sport. #breastfeeding #BackPain

I got rid of Facebook! Now I’m on Twitter more. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #CantStopWontStop

Ppl are so impressed to see me at the gym right after having a baby. Truthfully, I’m not here to work out. It’s the the only place I can go to the bathroom in peace. #selfcare #4kids #twotoomamy #bathroomtweet

Had to google how old Josh from Blue’s Clues is cuz he gives me feels. Don’t worry, he’s 29!! #momlife #Nickelodeoncrush

No one ever warned me about ALL the rags I’d be gifted as a grown up. #somanyrags #AdultingAndStuff

You know you’re old when you complain about Dateline reruns. 👵🏻