Mark 🔮🦁👩🏼‍⚖️⁉️🐶🐙🐯

If you think Vini Jr > Neymar you get your football knowledge from FIFA (the game) !

I need a life sponsor.. anyone interested x

You know the little push down bit for your hand wash.. is that the most germ infested place in your entire house? ..because, when your hands are dirty you press it, but you don’t ever return and clean it do you?!

@primevideouk is such a POS now! Content is pretty much all additional cost or full of ads! Soon you’ll have to pay extra for next day delivery too, or watch a few ads before you can checkout 🙄

I will never buy another @SamsungUK TV ever. Screen has failed after 2 years on my 50inch LED, and official advice is that you won’t touch it because the screen is likely faulty and will cost more than the repair. Merry Christmas, cheers 👋🏻

A ‘free’ viewing of an 80’s movie makes paying £1500 a year for @skytv all worthwhile! I feel all tingly and happy this Christmas now 🤣🎅🏿🤦🏻‍♂️

Love that we have AI characters that look and act like humans so much so we can’t tell the difference, but my iPhone still thinks I want to say “duck off” even after I correct it 3 times!!

Why, when kids first start to draw ‘people’, do they only ever have heads and limbs - never a body!?

I get so irrationally annoyed with having both spiders and flies in the house!! If I tolerate the spiders, surely I should be fly free.. why don’t they (the spiders I hate) keep up their end of the unspoken deal?!

You shouldn’t be allowed to marry a female until you have a degree in therapy!!

My flexibility is so bad, I just had to use a wooden spoon to reach an itch on my back 🤣

@loopify I didn’t know we could beg for cold hard cash in the DMs 👀

The worst mistake I’ve made is trusting strangers on the internet begging for money in DMs Tens of thousands burnt because I’m trying to be a nice person P sure not a single person was truthful in why they needed money Hit rate 0%/100%

@pudgypenguins Pudgy Morning

Intern here: Idk why, but the big bird told me to write down the name of everyone who says, 'Pudgy Morning' on this post. Do whatever you want with that information

@crazyclips_ Assuming this is America… so probably his bible!

@Lazy_Chef_ Make sure you tip regardless :)

@Lazy_Chef_ Got to be USA

Where am I? 👀

@emileevee Funny that I recognise that Seal as ‘you’ !

@emileevee Who even are you with no Seal pfp? 😳

gm should I switch back to my seal or wizard pfp? 🦭🧙

CD vs Verve

Help me and my wife settle a debate.. best album - poll below: