MG

Jesus Christ: The ultimate nepo baby. #Jesus #PalmSunday #HolyWeek2023 #Christianity

I'm convinced that my mom is on the prayer line just to get hot church gossip. #Catholic

For the love of God, don't rhetorically ask me "what are the odds?" Cuz I'll get out my fucking calculator.

@JamesWh84290925 @LindsayCGraves Hi James! Research shows that the break through infection rate is low. In general, the unvaccinated population (including children) are the ones who will suffer and spread the virus.

@LindsayCGraves Are there still people out there that don't realize that vaccinated individuals can still contract and spread the virus?

I blame both. My husband and I offered someone information on the safety and effectiveness of the vaccine - and we don’t let unvaccinated people around our son. She told us not to preach to her, and that she wasn’t interested in anything we had to say about it. Fuck ‘em.

@krisvire Be explicit.Who?

Hair is essentially strings that constantly grow out of our head.

If I close my eyes, I can't differentiate between Peppa Pig and Call The Midwife. #peppapig #callthemidwife #bbc

@helikedmyshoes That's awful/annoying. Do you know who it is? Do I still get your stories? They're pretty much my news source.

I had to lock my insta because of a troll. I know quarantine has been boring but like read a book or masturbate or something. Also fuck you, my abs are 100% real and I worked hard for them. No editing necessary.

@brazenhussyrant That is life with my husband.

What percentage of non-mask-wearers willingly wear a Klan's hood? #MasksOn

@twig5597 All four of us endured it. I don't think socialization is worth it.

When that swab went into my upper sinus cavity, the space time continuum halted and God himself told me that he was not real. #COVID19 #CovidTesting

Aftermath is advanced word problems.

@AnnaLu312 My auntie died too. She was eccentric. XO.

My grandmother and Little Richard both passed away today. That’s two of the most extra humans leaving the earth at once. Who amongst you will take up the mantle? (This is her dramatically shopping for a fridge at Home Depot)

I thought my husband left me today and I was so pissed he didn't take one of the children.

@LisaLaureta Some hungry mf.

Who tf was the first person to look at a lobster and be like mmmmmmm yum yum I’m gonna eat that spiky sea spider it’ll be de-lish

After a Zoom cocktail party, I like to drive around the block so that I can still feel alive. #drunkdriving #justkidding

@WhitneyCummings Hallowed be thy name.

Sorry to digress but when someone says Jesus H Christ I get distracted - what was Jesus’s middle name?

My husband told our kid, "you're the type of child who'd turn her parents into the Gestapo." She's 3. He's right. @toombsday

The evidence is mounting that I am dead and this is hell.