LevelZeroEms

Level Zero 3.0 is live! Now more betterer, with international shipping, gift certificates and free shipping on decals. Oh yeah, GCS16 coffee is back as well #ems #firstresponder #smallbusiness #coffee #moralepatches #zerofucks

Have tinnitis from years of running lights and sirens? Cure it by squeezing your taint between the thumb and forefinger from the inside and hold slight pressure for 60 seconds. Focus on your breathing. Do it 2x a day for 30 days. If you can't reach ask your partner for help.

Don't take this product if you are allergic to this product. Side effects may include dizziness, inflammation of the fupa, taint rot, ocular priapism, a sudden overwhelming feeling of ennui or total disassociation with reality. Common side effects include diarrhea and soul death

If we performed crics as often as medical dramas seem to suggest, a few of you might actually be good at it.

Bro, you can't be O.D'n right now. You feel me? I ain't trying to get EMS mogged. That's going to spike my cortisol FR FR. #Clavicular

It's estimated that by the time a person is 80 years old they have spoken anywhere from 250-300 million words. No wonder I'm so tired of talking to these fucking people. #SuperFluid2026 #ems

Jelly Roll makes music for people with 4 cars in the driveway who call 911 for hiccups #IranWar

At least once a tour I look at my partner and say "We have the stupidest job"

If you tell your patients today that they're not going to make it, it's okay as long as you follow up with "April fools!"

Told y'all I wasn't Banksy

Things they don't teach in medic school: When patching to the ED for a PT with a priapism, make sure you've obtained a penile blood pressure. Use an appropriately sized child BP-cuff. The receiving doctor will be impressed with your assessment skills #EMS

I was talking to someone yesterday about the stories of my childhood shenanigans that we often talked about on our podcast. I want to hear what kind of neighborhood mayhem you all got up to when you were kids.

Every time my patient says their pain is a 6 or 7 I see my kid's stupid-ass goofy grin

We should only get three mic clicks per week, but they should shock whatever dispatcher is on the radio.

What's wrong, hero? You've barely touched your lift assist.

"I didn't know EMT and Paramedic weren't the same thing" What else does the general public not know about EMS ? #EMS

I'm so Irish I got a CABG on Saint Paddy's day

Crumble Cookies is mid.

From here on out, I shall be referred to as Meat Bolus, Secretary Of Warfarin

Before reaching for the med box, I recommend trying "The Tickle Monster" with aggressive patients. It's non-invasive and you don't have to restock tickles, you have an infinite supply.

She's a 10 She's DTF She doesn't work in healthcare But she can spell chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis without googling them.