Missy

This is Ned. He’ll be conducting your check-pup today. Please don’t giggle when you see him. He’s $232,000 in debt from medical school and would appreciate some respect. 13/10

sitting in the parking lot confused because you left for work late but still got there on time :

@waDNR I lava you

It's International Mountain Day, so everyone say something nice to the active volcanoes PLEASE

Your house is not haunted, there's a raccoon in your attic. And that is much, much worse.

Queso = Spanish for cheese K, so... = Midwestern for here’s the plan and you might not like it

Not only is today @BernieSanders' 82nd birthday, it's also the anniversary of this tweet.

If you want an adventure, take a step outside. Unless it's storming. Or really hot. Is that a bear?

@spittinchiclets @chevrolet Toews

Who is the GOAT #19? @Chevrolet #ChevyEV #ad

Learn Midwestern 101: “We’ll see” - not coming “I’ll let you know” - not coming “Hmm not sure yet” - very sure about not coming “I’ll see if we can make it work” - it will not and not coming “I’ll think about it” - nothing to think about and not coming

Opossums pretending to die the moment they come under pressure is so real of them

Maturing is realizing you’re the Allan ((standoffish but concerned for everyone’s safety during aquatic recreation events ))

@RepSwalwell A league of their own

My 6-year-old is obsessed with baseball movies. So far I’ve shown him The Sandlot, Rookie of the Year, and Little Big League. Am I missing any he can track and enjoy?

i am a gritty of my word

somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this

they got butter on tap!!!!!!

Imagine dinosaurs posing with an asteroid

10K retweets and i’ll wear this to oppenheimer

so sorry for my delay in getting back with you! I have been beset by calamities

First rule of hydrate club: Stay hydrated. Second rule of hydrate club: Tell everyone you know about hydrate club. Third rule of hydrate club: Just a minute…need a bathroom break.