Modern 🇮🇱 Talmud

Congregant: Rabbi, I have a strong desire to live forever. What should I do? Rabbi: Join Twitter. Congregant: And will I live forever? Rabbi: No, but the desire will disappear.

Last Shavuot, my wife accidentally locked herself out of the house, and I didn’t hear her knocking until I finished eating the rest of the cheesecake. So weird.

Chag Shavuot Sameach everyone 💐 🌺 🌼

Friends - I apologize I haven’t posted a surgery update sooner. This past week has been a delirious blur of pain, exhaustion, and medication, and this is my first clear-headed window for writing. Here are the main points: By all accounts, my planned operation last Friday was successful, as the problematic items were removed. However, due to my body not responding properly, I needed to be readmitted into the Operating Room shortly thereafter. Lo and behold, the surgeon found that a sneaky artery had opened and was steadily leaking blood into my body. Baruch Hashem, they were able to give me a significant transfusion (don’t forget to donate!), and seal off the artery, saving my life. I am fully convinced it was everyone’s tefillot/prayers that carried me through, and I will continue to rely on those as I navigate this difficulty recovery in the weeks and months ahead. Thank you all again 🙏❤️ Hodu l’Hashem ki tov, ki l’olam chasdo!

Personal Note: Friends, I will be going back into the hospital tomorrow for a potentially life-saving surgery and would appreciate any tehillim/prayers if you are so inclined. I hesitate to give this out, but my Hebrew name is Yaakov Shmuel ben Malkah (You know it’s serious when I’m sacrificing my anonymity 🫤). God willing, I’ll catch up with you on the flip side of Shabbos. Love to all ❤️

🚨BREAKING: Mayor Mamdani to host Shavuot event; menu to include options for lactose and religious intolerance

Posting this again after that horrible piece of blood libel. Shame on The New York Times.

@JackMaxey1 Was there a trial before they beat you with the ugly stick?

@ModernTalmud I hope they use that wall for executions of you war criminals. After a trial of course.

🎯

To all of the haters who got triggered by this post, I offer this to you as an apology:

Me telling the kid behind me at shul to take his 8 candy bags outside

Watching my wife tell the secular teacher that our kid shouldn’t have homework over a Jewish holiday

The new Pepsi Challenge 😁

Smash Burger - goyish Smashberger - jewish

Beauty and the Beast

What’s it called when you can’t sleep after a long flight during Sefira? Jet Lag B’Omer

Why couldn’t the pepper do archery on Lag B’Omer? Because he didn't habanero…

“Israelis are white colonialists who love apartheid”