Modern 🇮🇱 Talmud

Congregant: Rabbi, I have a strong desire to live forever. What should I do? Rabbi: Join Twitter. Congregant: And will I live forever? Rabbi: No, but the desire will disappear.

😁

@RaychFeldman 😁

@ModernTalmud NGL I’d try it.

Just in time for Passover and allergy season

Not so intelligent after all…

👀

Classic joke: An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting a divorce. 45 years of misery is more than enough for anyone." "Wait, Dad, what are you talking about?!” "We just can't stand each other anymore," the old man says. "I'm tired of looking at her, and I don't want to discuss it. Call your sister and break the news.” The son, now in a panic, calls his sister. She explodes, "Like heck they are!" She calls their father right back. "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't you dare do a single thing. We are both flying home first thing tomorrow to sort this out. Do not call a lawyer. Do not file a single paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?" She slams the phone down. The old man hangs up, turns to his wife, and says, "Okay, they're both coming for Passover AND paying their own airfares."

@MaryFalconer6 😁

@ModernTalmud I don't think that trick would work a second time.

Dibs on his sunglasses 😎

Am Yisrael Chai-tops 🇮🇱🏀

Islamists don’t debate—they declare

@5luckyfingers This one is new in response to the Michigan attack

@ModernTalmud They been running this amazingly brilliant campaign for about 5-6 years now, without any results

Find someone who looks at you over the mechitzah like this

More like Javier Bardumb… Am Yisrael Chai 🇮🇱

REPORT: CIA finds Tucker Carlson “accidentally” liked Ayatollah’s vacation photo

What does Tucker Carlson say around the holidays? “Treasons greetings”

I was in the attic and found my bubbe’s old sheitel-making machine. It's a family hair loom.

🚨BREAKING: Mayor Mamdani claims wife also accidentally illustrated Mein Kampf; “booked gig through 3rd party”