Monica LeBeau

Hey, Chefs. How does it feel to know that pizza is better than 90% of all the food you can cook?

My genius 2 yo daughter just recognized 2.5 letters on @dylanrlebeau shirt. The letters were “P” “O” and “E” which she called “Elephant”.

For a glorious ten minutes both of the girls napped at the same time in their respective beds.

If you’re wondering what that weird milk smell is, it’s me constantly being drenched in seemingly impossible amounts of spit up.

If my 2 year old daughter is any indication there is now generation of children that will grow up with Bowser as their favorite Nintendo character thanks to @jackblack

I’m pretty sure this prediction was spot on.

@jazlor1 Oh yeah, Twitter said that the text two-factor authentication is actually the least secure way to do it and so they’re only offering that to their paid customers. To which we all say…

My husband just started playing Stardew Valley for the first time and he randomly asks me questions about the game. I’ve never felt so helpful in my life. I have a rich wellspring of knowledge to share.

Someone tell this baby in my womb that if she wants to stretch out she’s gonna have to get herself born. My lungs have had enough.

@HannahLeBeau Honey Nut Cheerios would get my fourth spot if that were allowed. You’re wrong for the Frosted Flakes tho. Them suckers turn into a soggy mess after two minutes.

@MonWatt Omg no lucky charms, honey nut, Frosted Flakes

Easy. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Froot Loops, Lucky Charms.

@MonWatt 1.5 packs of English muffins from Whataburger cinnamon rolls

If I had to guess I would say I’m about 1.5 packs of English Muffins away from giving birth.

I would just like to vent publicly that gestational diabetes is the absolute pits.

Life Hack: Sometimes you can just cook a pack of bacon on a sheet pan and then tell your family that dinner is ready.

@TylerHuckabee I like to imagine this story is taking place at a Chili’s.

it’s always the world’s hottest babe trying to get in the pastor’s pants in these stories. the rest of the details are fuzzy but the girl definitely had huge bazongas and a tiny wasp waist and a dumptruck ass. it’s like the fulcrum of the whole sermon.

@dylanrlebeau - “Do you feel a kinship with Rihanna since she’s pregnant?” I wish I could say I did, but she’s Rihanna and I’m me. So… 😅

@kkdumez @danieljonce I’m offended on behalf of @SarahBessey that Jesus Feminist didn’t make his list of red flag books. 😜

Helpful tip, ladies:

Hearing sheets of ice slide off our roof after being stuck inside for four days is like music to my ears. 🎶

If my kid wakes up early from her nap and is just happily chatting away to herself I can just leave her in there right? Cuz I ain’t ready. I’m just really not ready.