Emmanuel | Video Editor

UPSC Prelims 2023 results were declared 2 days ago. I didn't checked my result on the same day. And Today I checked my name in that PDF thoroughly and didn't found my name in it. It was disheartening and disappointing. This time It felt a void in my heart. I started questioning myself and my worth too. I was on vacation and didn't wanted to spoil that the week of joy. I took off from my life after a year, Last year in june 2022 , I met my college friends and it was an absolute joy. This time also I loved every bit of time with them. It was a very tiring yet an amazing trip to Nainital and Ranikhet. And I had this feeling already that I might not have cleared. Because just after GS1 paper I was not satisfied with my performance. It didn't went as I wanted it to be. This was my 3rd attempt and 2nd serious attempt. I gave my first attempt on 10th October 2021, straight out of college while doing job as a software engineer at Nagarro, Gurugram. After a month ,I decided I'll quit and focus on UPSC only for a year, In January 2022, I quit and went into this full time and gave my 2nd attempt on June 5th ,2022. This time I realised I'm lacking something,my revision is not enough,my knowledge is not enough,my hard work is not enough. So I took a break for a week in the last week of June and went to Indore to meet my college friends. Then I came back decided to give one serious attempt with full 1 year intense prepration. Gave 2023 Prelims, And after seeing that paper it shocked me, haunted me. This time again I failed. I had decided earlier I will appear maximum for 2 times and If i get into services before the age of 25, Then it's worth it otherwise not, I'm not going to waste my entire 20s chasing something which is unpredictable. Now after 2 serious failures, I've decided to have a pause in this journey. I built this little corner for me. I didn't took any coaching, prepared everything on my own.