Mr. Cowboy Jack

Jake Paul is my Rocky Balboa

@exec_sum New dream job

"I bet your little Asian, fish head, wife doesn't have these cannons" JPMorgan LevFin executive director Lorna Hajdini, quoted in an anonymous lawsuit by a junior male colleague accusing her of making him her sex slave Viagra, roofies, and balls not "tasting like curry" are some other astonishing highlights of the lawsuit that accuses Hajdini of rape, stalking, and abuse

@luisjgomez Thought this was Bobby Kelly

Fun morning training with some legit dudes in Austin!

@luisjgomez Luis is speaking as a gay loving dad

Talk shit get hit. Mind your business I say. A gay loving dad would have been better than my psycho abusive mother.

@unusual_whales Idk if I would say “soaring”… in fact i would say it’s the opposite, just not collapsing as harshly as sun belt

"The ‘affordability economy’ has created a housing market nobody predicted: Prices collapsing in the Sun Belt, soaring in the Rust Belt," per FORTUNE

@sogiddy There would be no issue. Nobody actually gives a fuck

Jake Paul is facing BACKLASH for pulling this move on Druski after Druski's viral skit parodying Erika Kirk 👀😳 "I wanted to do it back" 💀

@Polymarket I wouldn’t mind breeding an alien

BREAKING: Former Congressman Matt Gaetz reveals he was once briefed on alien "breeding programs" where captured aliens were breeding with humans to create a hybrid race.

@GoToThePictures @douglasisadope Or she is just British

Supergirl looks like a 45 year old who has smoked 40 fags a day since she was 15, lives in a council house and has 4 kids by 4 different men.

@Ryanmatta This dude moved countries to save money on his wife’s Botox….cooked

Millions of Americans will file for bankruptcy in the next 24 months. I pray that my followers were smart enough to see the writing on the walls. At this point, you don’t have much time left.

@stoolpresidente Thought this was that ugly Shmuley guy

This message is for Wolverine fans and Wolverine fans only. We got 3 teams competing to go to the Final Four/Frozen Four in the next 24 hours. Time to lock it in. Who has it better than us? NOOOBOODDDYYY! #Goblue

@gapatriotgirlx @xCountessX7 @PeriklesGREAT Get a grip ya dummy

Yeah, well if he’s going to be a fat racist fuck then I say all bets are off. They can stick this shit up their ass. We should do black face constantly. This shit with it being ok for one race and not for another is not gonna fucking work anymore. Fuck that. There is an endless supply of them to make fun of.

Erik Kirk is going to sue?!

@luisjgomez Classic Luis J. Gomez

People always hating on OF girls like “would you want your daughter to do that”? No. I also wouldn’t want my daughter to blow coke into my asshole.

@unusual_whales Sounds like oil going up for awhile

BREAKING: A major update to Army recruiting regulations this week raises the maximum age a recruit can join to 42, and removes a barrier to joining for recruits with a single legal conviction for marijuana or drug paraphernalia possession, per Task & Purpose

@kimberlycongdon @FilmUpdates I wouldn’t pay for your jokes either

Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo will co-write and star in an untitled comedy series for Netflix. Set in NYC, it follows two women as they become the ultimate ride-or-dies, helping each other shed their baggage and emerge as the people they’ve always wanted to be.

@dru_montana47 Checks out

@MrCowboyJack 2 of them, I was raised by gay guys

I showed this my dad and he just said “that’s not right” and then walked away

@ReclaimD1 Holy shit this story sucked

Modern woman tells story about how a guy smoothly asked her to go back to her crib after she suggested that they play a game of ‘what are the odds’ 👑

@MbarkCherguia Any female comic

I’ll go first… Seth Rogan

@shwangardini Try shopping in the little girl’s section

@Breaking911 @wxyzdetroit Big ass building

🚨 BREAKING: Local law enforcement agencies are responding to reports of an active shooter at Temple Israel in West Bloomfield.  VIA: @wxyzdetroit

@Naim__Ali This would do great in Austin

I want to have a weekly show where I do boxing workouts with other comedians, professional boxers or rappers then we spar 3 rounds at the end of every episode.