PastOfficeHours

i’m just a girl. standing in front of a ballot box. asking the government to please for the love of god not get any worse

Still not blown away by this clock. Who makes the best Scotch Egg in London, please and thank you?

My kid, already late for school: I need to plant this sapling and dress like my favorite book character today.

“Why do we have toes?”—high people and my kid before I’ve had coffee.

Anyone have any cheat codes for this Turbo Tax game?

me: idgaf my anxiety: ʷᵉᶫᶫ ᶦ ᵈᵒ

*pronouncing testosterone to rhyme with pepperoni*

Sunday means going to brunch with old friends* *self-doubt and regret

It seems to me that the guys in charge of refried beans have twice as much work to do.

At my funeral there will be cake so people aren't disappointed like me at this cake-less funeral

I just need my coffee to be stronger than my existential dread

Every time I send a text I think “Wtf why’d I say that? I’m a crazy WEIRDO!!” and when I get a response I’m like “Haha wait I’m so normal and cool. It’s awesome how normal and chill I am:)”

Do you save all the voicemails from everyone you love in case they die unexpectedly or are you normal

My cat acts like he doesn’t know his name, but he does …. He fucking does.

bill nye collecting tarot decks call him bill geminye the astrology guy.

Talbots is starting to make cute clothes. I thought they only made clothes for old ladi- Oh no.