Roger. 👽

#SuicidePrevention #YouAreNotAlone #WeCare

I've been hiding out at work for an hour. They'll never find me.

"I'll put fish seed on your bug zapper"

Like... do you think a crab has ever been shitted on by a fish and he was all "damn those birds"

Are fish.. like... the birds of the ocean?

When your cousin fails to mention that she had box color on her hair. 🤦‍♀️ instagram.com/p/BmXRoLWlUHv/…

The one woman every little girl should aspire to be. #MamaUmbridge #TheUmbridgeWay

Alright. I'll say it. Treasure Planet is the most beautifully underrated Disney movie. Period. #FightMeAboutIt

I am conceited. instagram.com/p/BkAvpTIlWS6/…

I wanna start a metal band.. but instead of having satanic messages when played backwards.. all the songs just instruct you to spend all of your money on cheeses. We'll be called Twisted SWISSter. #metal #cheese #goals #lifegoals #getOnmyLevel

Real men like their meat creatures natural.

You probably haven't even BEEN to a grill. You're so fake.

The artificial char marks on processed meat make me extremely uncomfortable... YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, MEAT CREATURE!

Or... now bear with me... how about... fuck bitches, obtain psycho hose beast..

"fuck bitches, get money?" Chyeah. Right! more like; "fuck bitches, get herpes" You know.. cause deez bitches be hoes.. #nomsayin #amiright #imsofunny #pleaseLaughAtMyJoke #imActuallyFunnyIRL #IPromise #HASHTAG

The body may age... but the emo is eternal.

Ahhh yes. The classroom. Where the students frolic in their natural habitat. Talking about orange females and prenatal vitamins. And i, a simple teachy, get it hear it all. What a time to be alive. #teacherlife #Cosmetology

TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!!