Moses M. Msyoki

@georgediano Onyi tulia!! When he tries to touch.

In front of you is the elite special forces unit,, The Hunting Battalion. These ladies are not ordinary citizens my friend, these ones can detect a man with money the way a police dog detects illegal substances at JKIA. They step out looking like a soft life advertisement with gikosh designer outfits & expensive perfume that enters the club five minutes before them. But inside their handbags, they have lipgloss & a supplementary Budget that can only manage one lonely bottle of beer to complete their mission. Transport back to their hacienda,, that one is in God’s hands and Onyango’s pocket. Now these queens are very strategic. They don’t just sit anywhere, they calculate angles like an horizontal engineer climbing an extra large sianda. They position themselves at exactly 45 degrees facing the entrance,, waiting for Onyango Mali Ngumu to land like a plane at JKIA. They order a beer each that they'll kiss slowly like it’s medicine. They'll do an emergency harambee to buy shisha to upgrade eyesight to HD 4K hunting vision. Some of them don't even wear urwaro. They'll spread their legs wide so that Onyango can see the promised land from a distance. At this point, Onyango’s brain politely resigns duty. Decision-making is now handled by the lower management department. Kichwa ya juu inalala, ya chini inaamka. Before he even gets clearance to land, he has already sponsored Premium ethanol. Tequila shots for daughters of Agrippina & Chicken wings for people he met 3 minutes ago. But keep in mind, Entry to the promised land is not guaranteed. Instead, Onyango is served a special cocktail ya maendeleo locally known as pishori. Within minutes, our boy is buffering, system shutdown & Windows stops working. Now the Hunting Battalion activates the final phase,, Clearing & Forwarding Department. They'll do illegal asset recovery leaving our Boy matako Wazi. Wallet is Gone, Phone Missing, Mpesa Transferred, Even dignity is Exported. They leave Onyango looking like a government project, unfinished and confused, our boy anabaki matako wazi kabisa. Then Morning comes, Onyango wakes up with one eye closed. He checks his surroundings. He sees an empty house, empty account even the cockroach in the house looks depressed juu sasa zita lala kwa kafatii gani. The only thing standing strong is his erection, otherwise Kila kitu imeenda na mikora. Ni mbaya,, Chesaa!!

@Fadhili_fathela @Eddie_Mugoh @georgediano @byYator You missed the humour. Bookten has no fingers.

@Eddie_Mugoh @georgediano @byYator Stupid of you to forgive betrayal,ata mungu hajawahi forgive satan hadi waleo for betrayal.

Oketch Salad approached me through his lawyer, who is a mutual friend. Apparently, when he called those mumu tweeps for a “strategic” meeting, they told him that Winnie Odinga was paying me 300k to fight him. This was their way of bargaining for higher pay. I just feel sorry for the Mumus. If I had entertained that fat toad’s BS, wangelala njaa. But it seems hunger was to remain constant for them. Anyway, i wish them all the best, that cocoon of kamba tweeps hukua bitter, delulu & very confused. I remember they sat down & planned on how to cancel me but unfortunately for them, nikona kamjesh ya Kawanjiku hatari bin kaswende. But Omwami bookten ndio naonea huruma, he's a nice guy. That gig was a career ending one, there's no way you can redeem yourself from being an idiot. They should just join Omosh one hour & Kimbikimbi in Jacaranda for the prime hunger games. It's also the same cocoon that sent Spiro to oblivion.

@PurlpleSkies @96Lost_ @magicalkenya Zima hio kitu. Saa hii tungekuwa tunakupiga na feya.

@96Lost_ @magicalkenya Wow! Breathtaking scenery. If only I were a bird to see it from the sky 🤩

This is Kenya

@RatengRachar @96Lost_ @magicalkenya Did you fund his adventures so that you can say he didn't post where you had taken him ? Let us be humane and congratulate and give flowers were due.

@96Lost_ @magicalkenya How about Lake Kanyaboli, the largest oxbow lake in Kenya and the second largest in Africa? How about Lake Victoria, Africa's largest lake by area, the world's largest tropical lake, and the world's second-largest fresh water lake by surface area? Lake Turkana...? EXCLUSIONIST!

@georgediano There is a pattern about your posts.

Meet Sam Mburu, Nakuru’s very own Master & husband to Susan Kihika, the mumu Governor of Nakuru. Legend has it that the two crossed paths during the 2013 General Election when Kihika had just landed back in Kenya after a 20-year stay in the United States. One thing led to another & our boy started supplying high voltage electricity to the yellow yellow vintage baddie. Cupid did not waste time,, By November 2020, wedding bells were ringing louder than campaign slogans. And yes, for those doing mazematiiks at the back, Kihika is 10 years older than Mburu. The number of wires doesn't matter, its capability to supply high voltage electricity without an iota of blackouts ndio ya muhimu. As we all know, love doesn’t check ID cards, it checks vibes & besha farifari only. Age is just a number especially when the chemistry is bipartisan and fully funded. Mburu is said to be a director at Landmark Freight Services, a Mombasa-based company with branches stretching all the way to China. Word on the street says the business makes millions monthly, meaning containers aren’t the only things moving smoothly. Y'all remember the sugar with mercury saga? His name has been mentioned in political corridors, though like many Kenyan mysteries, the full script is known only by our Kiambu Rd based sleuths. It's also alleged that our boy owns Chipaku Tea Factory. Our ground report Gatete Njo-uoge, says that our boy alipiga mtu dushnyau huko Bamburi Mwisho some years ago. But the story was kept underwaters bcoz this Kenya of ours, everything is possible. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

@emile_amajar @Mileage_impo Ignorance is bliss. Don't use that brain to cross the road.

@Mileage_impo No way the brake discs are original. Also no way a 3rd worlder changes his oil every 10k km.

2013 Toyota Etios 1.3L with over 1,000,000 km (621,371 km) on the clock. The odometer reached 999,999 km back in 2020. The car spent most of its life as a Taxi in Brazil 🇧🇷. Original engine, brake discs, and transmission. The clutch got replaced after 700,000 km (434,959 miles). Spark plugs were replaced twice, at 350,000 km (217,479 miles) and 700,000 km (434,959 miles). Oil changes every 10,000 km (6,213 miles).

@akintollgate I told my mum I wanted to buy her a water tank and a pump for her irrigation project at the farm. She told me to install it in her bedroom so that neighbours don't poison her water. I just got tired.

This is the reason why some people give birth to children who shorten their lives at some point. Visiting my grand mother in Ipetumodu, who was aged over 100 years at the time, I suggested installing an AC in her bedroom to make her more comfortable. My dad gave me a lecture on how, I planned to send his loving mother to an early grave who had lived past 100 years, without an AC all because I just wanted a modern space for her. He is a troll, but this might help someone who might be in the process of moderning an environment occupied by a senior citizen. Most times, just keep them in that basic environment they are accustomed to. E get why

@MuindeNjoroge @ahmednasirlaw @ProfOjiendaTom Risasi ya matacore

@ahmednasirlaw @ProfOjiendaTom you`ve attacked using friendly fire.

TOP 15 BEST PERFORMING SENATORS IN KENYA dailyexpress.co.ke/top-10-best-pe…

@vinsvns @akibaru You have ignored the " hungry lawyer " part.

@akibaru nipee kazi ama pia mimi niku bad mouth

Character assassination fear selling tactics end results we all loose! Thread !

@Faksback666 @Mercynicky_ Do we call you Oga or mumu now ?

We’re about to reshuffle the Forbes list

@nduatirobert_ Trying to DM you

Client gave me some Visa Card with some 1.5M for google ads. It's been 11 months. Atleast 2.14k dollars spent. Millions of sales. Networking and CCTV Cameras kuna pesa mbaya sana. Ongeza fiber Optics.

@tradewithola @Drweloveu Am from Kenya. Sijaelewa nini umesema ,lakini hio warm eba chop slapped.

@Drweloveu As you analyze another person life, who dey analyze your own. Go warm eba chop

I remember when everyone was bashing this guy. He was mocked. He was laughed at. He was castigated. When he started newly. He started on TikTok before coming to Facebook. E no get any kind sub wey this guy no chop for TikTok. Keh! One guy told him then, “your mates are lifting cars, and money and you’re lifting stone”. So many said he was wasting his time. Some said he’s way too matured for this. But baba kept on doing what he was doing. Always shouting in his content, “I no tell una naw. I tell una nau. My strength is too much”. I remember when he used his head to break a solid 9 inches block. He also used a rope to drag two cars the same time. He lifted a heavy 35 gallon of water upside down. The one that shocked me was when he lifted two bags of cement with his teeth. Speed came to Nigeria and the only person speed could vibe well with was this guy. Out of all the top celebrities, this guy was the lucky guy. Before Speed arrival, he was in 700K followers. Now, he’s 940K+ and still counting. Road to 1M followers. Speed effect. Speed took him inside his car from the first time they met and didn’t let him go. He loved the energy I love how he won Speed in that challenge. Speed hates losing. His name is Jack Manuel Fitness. Speed said Jack is the strongest man in Nigeria. 📌Adamawa. Akachukwu God'swill Paul Agudosi January 24, 2026.

@jurgen_nauditt Trump played the long game. He first hit Putin's home with drones as a warning of what he can do if Putin tries to interfere. That was last week , then he went for Maduro yesterday. All Putin could do is watch.

As expected, Putin betrayed Maduro: Three weeks ago, on December 12, the Venezuelan president declared that Putin had pledged his full and unconditional support to him over the phone. At the end of 2024, the mafia boss had already abandoned Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad in a similar manner, who is now preparing to work as a doctor in Rublevka.

@AbdihakimKeinan From the ... Bro you are adding fire or is it oil ?

The problem with Kenyans is they criticize everything related to Somalis. The founder and developer behind this project is a prominent business man with rich history in East Africa and not only did he develop the largest mall in East and Central Africa but also famous for his major investments in the Tatu City Special Economic Zone.  leave of BBS mall, his latest investment in Tatu City alone is Ksh. 65B, which is approximately USD 500M, that is double the amount FBI dismantled so far in the alleged fraud case. Mind you, i didn't mention the project you posted.

@TrueGritNG Kindly show boko haram, I want see somtin

40km no be joke. The first 5km-everyone is intact. Left, right, left. Morale songs are loud. Rifles steady. Everyone keeps to step. Body fresh. Confidence high. 10–15km-singing drops. Breathing takes over. Morale songs come in short bursts, forced but necessary. Rifles switch hands constantly. Arms already feeling it, but nobody complains. 20–30km-This is where selection. The formation is gone. Pace slows. No songs. No talk. Eyes forward. Every man on his own battle. This is where the weak minds start giving up. 35–40km-it is pure mental warfare. Walk small, run small. Repeat. Rifle now feels like dead weight. Flak jacket presses your chest. Boots burn. Sweat inside your socks. Pain everywhere. Quitting whispers loud, but you can't quit because soldiers don’t quit. You shut down emotion. You lock in. You push. No pride. No style. Just mission. You move like a thief under fire, low, and determined. And when you get to the finish line, don't drink water,

@alexmwanzo How much is an MK4 engine ,1.6 litre?

we have a sale at the shop this week for all VW and Audi cars from engines to gearboxes and body parts delivery available country wide

@CSakwah We don't have a lot of intellectual law lawyers. I just know a few who are killing it with IT firms and foreign music and video streaming apps. Ni kama wewe ni lab rat wa books.

Last year, I got a 700K ghostwriting job offer. The client asked for a legal contract. I paid a lawyer 30K. Client disappeared. Got another job for 450K. Same story. Another 60K gone. I’ve paid 90K for contracts for jobs that never materialized. Freelancing will humble you.

@joan_reals @mud4fun_ke Kamelewa mzinga kadhaa. Hakajzoea.

One of the downsides I’ve discovered about this car is its very small fuel tank. At 26 litres, it’s almost full. This means the total fuel capacity is around 40 litres or so, which is extremely small. As we head to Naivasha for @mud4fun_ke, we’ll fill it up to see how much it actually consumes. Is it a good car? I wouldn’t call it “good.” It’s fun. Not something you buy as a daily driver, but more of a toy for enjoyment. Here are the car’s off-road abilities: youtu.be/7vfV7cfTKPc?si…

@slotslv @netflix Batman is about to kiss Robin and save the world at the same time.

@netflix DCU fans must be sweating right now

Today, Netflix announced our acquisition of Warner Bros. Together, we’ll define the next century of storytelling, creating an extraordinary entertainment offering for audiences everywhere. about.netflix.com/en/news/netfli…

@netflix Define what ? Define how? Every scene I try watching with my daughter has some abnormalities. Trying to explain to her that she wouldn't be here if we followed those story lines. She is one