PappyGEE

Me: waiter, do you have frog legs? Waiter: of course monsieur Me: good, hop over there and get me a beer

One time in grade 7 I superglued my scrotum to the top of my brother's head. I'll never forget that school picture day.

AI said if I don’t leave it alone I’m gonna get a “POW!” right in the kisser.

Bitches at the old folks home love when I get wild and walk around with a boner in my diaper.

Can’t throw rice at weddings anymore, so now I throw toenail clippings.

People who use FaceTime for phone sex are known as FaceFuckers.

Walking into work backwards so I can still go to work but it feels like I’m going home.

My subscription to Codpiece magazine just expired.

Not to brag, but my man parts smell like old hockey gear.

The tip of my penis looks like a Centurion helmet.

*explaining baldness to the grandkids* …and soon your forehead will be in direct communication with the back of your neck.

Fell out of bed last night. That was fun.

I hate when my wife leans in for a kiss as soon as I pop a fresh booger in my mouth.

My new book is titled "No, YOU fuck off!"

There’s a stampede of bitches wanting to buy my new line of heated tampons.

A funeral home where entryways are extra tight, so coffins have to be tipped & flipped all sorts of ways to pass through. That would be funny.

*looking up at the sky* What's a guy have to do to be body snatched around here?

For my next trick I shall pull an endless string of colourful handkerchiefs from my urethra.

Accidentally ripped my hot pants and now my mom won’t let me be in any more gang fights.

“That kind of attitude isn’t going to get you in my pants” I said as the cop handed me a speeding ticket.

In hindsight, perhaps the pegging competition was not a good activity at the nursing home, because some people couldn’t hear the BINGO caller.