Peter Nebrio

@ambers196524 and also

Emily Maitlis’ knee looks like the twin brother of the restored Jesus!

@Bytor14 Sorry to hear that. May she rest in peace 🙏🏼

Morning Life it loves a curve ball Saturday spent with cousins Long overdue catch up Main topic of conversation my Mum who had a bad fall 2 weeks ago Hoping to get her into a home and out of hospital Mum sadly passed away at 2-10 Sunday Morning Life and loved ones are precious

My house was burgled by someone disguised as a political journalist recently, and my dog urinated on them as they tried to get away! Robber pissed on? No, Laura Kuenssberg! #LunchPun

Despite laying traps, mice keep hiding under the sacks of manure in the stables. They are under turd. #LunchPun

@SpursOfficial I've never seen so many shocking mistakes in my life, but that said.... I'd still rather watch this than some of the shite that was served up under Mourinho and Conte. COYS!

Full-time.

- The breakfast cereal portions at the hotel weren't very generous. - Measly? - No weetabix! #LunchPun

- I got my maths GCSE result on this day 30 years ago, it rained like crazy. - Grey day? - No I got a B. #LunchPun

@FootyHumour Also Kudus

Kudus vs Spurs:

@FirstLadyNot Twitter is still worth tuning into now and again. Top marks 😎🙌🏼

I’m not drunk, you are

@mrleeward Or was it Dancing On My Own by Robyn?

@mrleeward Set You Free - N-Trance.... that one?

If anyone was at Annie Mac's Before Midnight and can remember what the 'one last track' was, I'd be grateful - I can hear it perfectly in my mind, but can't translate into something googleable.

@DeborahMeaden In-Seine!!

Olympic opening ceremony… well?

If you're confused as to how some Punjabis make ghee for cooking... Sikh clarification. #LunchPun

When I tried to steal the 3rd page of a toad calendar from a shop, I was frogmarched out. #LunchPun

I have video footage of my neighbour criticising the head wear of a Sikh gentleman. ⚠️WARNING: Contains dis turban scenes. #LunchPun

- Many years ago I would use social media to watch videos about the speed of rodents. - Mice pace? - No, YouTube. #LunchPun

Got sacked from my new job when I refused to use a biro and would only use a pencil to write. That's the last time I join a company's pen shun scheme. #LunchPun

Am I the one responsible for making a hot drink from a fish's respiratory organs AND electrocuting a donkey? Gill tea, ass charged. #LunchPun

When I was a kid, I was told that missing out the first 11 letters of the alphabet was a terrible sin and I would be going straight to L. #LunchPun

My boss is quitting her job because her alopecia is causing bad headaches... and it looks like I will get promoted as result! Hair loss equals migraine. #LunchPun