NeilTheNewt

There is nothing more comfier than a bin full of neutered cat bollocks.

Pissing myself watching Gerry trying to swim across the lake with one foot, looks like Jeremy beadle doin front crawl

can’t believe u can make custard out of nut sack oil mixed with mustard powder. #heston

Just got back from prison in morocco after sucking opium out of a rattlesnakes pussay. #thuglife

@tot_dainty sorry about that, just checking out the facilities for a weekend BBQ I think.

I’m trying to extend my penis swinging a half eaten bagel from some dental floss I found in some duck shit.

The best Harlem shake yet! youtu.be/_hea7xZGR3k

The best Harlem shake yet! YouTu.be/_hea7xzgr3k

Check this poem about reality TV, pretty damn good! #monkeysinthejungle #bigbrothertermites youtu.be/yEh_yQ8J7FU

****RETWEET IF YOU “KNOW SOMEONE” WHO HAS GOT MORE THAN A FINGERNAIL IN THEIR OWN BUMHOLE***** #igotawholeclaw

@mi_k3mp Neil the newt pops up when required to plant the humorous wank fungus into people’s lives. #haveaniceday #wankfungus

Managed to get a sneaky pic of Phil Mitchell down the pub last night… #lethimselfgo #biceps #eastenders

Getting wanked off by a Venus fly trap #grippy

Happy new year, my resolution is to practice oral on a split tomato, getting ready for my date with swollen ange.

A very funny stag do video…. youtu.be/Wrjv1VOwQWw

Laying in a puddle thinking of dawn French naked being spanked by Gary Rhodes.

Been talking to Steve the snake about how many jelly beans I can fit in Betty the Beatle’s mackerel bunker. I reckon 2 and a midget gem.

Apparently, a constant wet groin area is not a sign of fertility and prowess.

Just made a suit of armour out of three discarded boiled egg shells, gunna look so fucking cool down the pub.

Just managed to glue a conservatory together made from old bacon with a thimble full of pre-cum. #stickanything