Neophyst 🖕🏼

Mixtape review: I didn't play it; I watched it because it has no gameplay. Spoilers ahead. It is, in essence, a cringe nostalgia porn for perpetual adolescents. It's basically 3 friends skate around a sleepy 90's town, cry about a mix tape, drive around, get on a shopping cart, kiss, light a cabin on fire, and "hug it out" while the credits roll. It has ZERO stakes, zero twists, zero balls, just pure... "last day of high school" nostalgia slop set to a real 90's soundtrack. The whole movie/game is just 3 hours of "remember when we did that thing?" flashbacks with no real gameplay, no need for controls + tongue kissing simulator... and then the twist is the rebellion when Cassanda yells at her cop dad, and he just lets her go.... huh?!? It's this usual Hollywood-artsy garbage about everyone learning a gentle lesson about change without accountability that is so common in so many indie movies recently... No wonder the same kind of perpetual adolescent adults love this crap. The story is just aggressively mid... It's just toxic comfort food for the perpetual man-children who want to feel like they are 17 again without ever growing up. So I'm reviewing it like a movie, because the multiple endings are just different dialog options that don't meaningfully change the story. 3/10 - garbage. It's like if they made Superbad into a video game without all the chaos, without the crude jokes, without all the edge. I think the worst thing about this is that these critics really love this... which means so many of these kinds of man-childs are in positions of power, in entertainment and everywhere... no wonder everything is so shit. It's these freaks that have been gatekeeping what gets funded and what doesn't in the West for decades!

Ich liebe Deutsche Autos.