NetflixPR

@afentra thanks for standing up for us this AM! Remember we don't call it "kicking puppies", its "moving small dogs with rapid exertion"

Our price improvements are not "bending over and taking it in the pooper", they are "relaxing the hamstrings and smooth intestinal muscle"

@CBSnews It's not a "price hike", its an "augmentation to benefit the netflix brand in these challenging economic times." Please fix.

Via our new hire @sarcophagoose, Netflix is pleased to announce its acquisition of KY in a hostile yet sensual take over for coming changes

Don't call it a price increase, call it a price improvement!

Update to Netflix HR policy! Rape is now termed effort free sex!

Due to the high volume of non-returns a certain group of clients, DVD requests by African-Americans will be moved to the back of the queue

"Increase" is such an ugly word! Haha, that's why were calling it a price "massage"! Who wants massages!?!?

We heard grandpa was sick, no worries, we pulled the plug! We here at Netflix have every intent of protecting you from "choices".

Little Netflix history! In 1914 we heard there was unrest in the Balkans so we went ahead and assassinated the archduke of Austria for you!

Good news everyone! We had sex with your significant other without your knowledge! We were happy to offer this service to you!