Nicole

Don't ever shine a light directly into your water bottle. Go with ignorance

I’m not a reliable narrator when it comes to the weather

I know my parents gave me life and food to eat and a roof over my head and an education etc. but somehow it just doesn’t feel like enough when they ask me for the login info for various streaming services

In New York I don’t want to be getting an emergency alert with that kind of noise for anything other than a nuke

remembering i made plans when i was feeling extroverted

It's fucking wild we need a dead man's emails to believe the testimonies of 1000 women.

@theyw0lf Some people are weak

@NicNack228 i just found out billie eyelash is dating a m*n

The first woman I slept with and the first woman I dated are now engaged to men. Some people just don’t have what it takes to be a lesbian

13 minutes in and my mom offered me a whispered exit with the promise that she would keep me updated. I salute them from the shore as they brave on

On the phone with my parents who are also on the phone with Spectrum as they attempt to log into and update the HBO Max household. Watch this space

Dad’s referring to him as sir now

I’ve begun laughing uncontrollably 3 times thus far

He’s been invited to Thanksgiving and my mom felt it necessary to explain to him that when she likes people, she invites them to Christmas

My dad just referred to the Spectrum employee as buddy. Direct quote following a long period of silence from anyone “you still there buddy?”

Every single person working for ICE is a bad person who deserves to be treated the same way Nazis we’re treated after WWll

Not engaging in the 2016 repost business because it is unproductive for me to romanticize a time when I was in a thinner body :)

I’m gonna print shirts to wear when you go out to dinner on your birthday that just say “I want comped dessert and no “happy birthday.” No one take this idea

Today I’m in mourning for the Dunkin $6 meal deal. Watch this space for bankruptcy (mine and possibly Dunkin’s as well)

I love my moms

@salemisms Season 2 she’ll be doing that shit GRATIS

@salemisms Yeah but season 2 can ABSOLUTELY afford her