Mr. H76

30 posts

Mr. H76

Mr. H76

@NuggetWisdom

Livin' the dream

Katılım Haziran 2012
569 Takip Edilen132 Takipçiler
Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@AirCanada My flight was delayed 4+ hours today....still waiting to board. The incoming plane is smaller than anticipated (how?!!) and they're saying we'll be further delayed if people don't check their overhead bags. Also, people who paid for upgraded seats will not be honored.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
If you're going to feed your dog a chili-cheese burrito, be prepared to invest in a new carpet.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Jules Verne envisioned the 1st camera-phone in his writings in 1866. This was only after his less promising prediction of the camera-toaster
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Mr. H76 retweetledi
Women's Humor
Women's Humor@womenshumor·
The only thing better than Bradley Cooper is Bradley Cooper in a tux. #oscars
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Morgan Freeman narrating your colonoscopy would undoubtedly make it a far more enjoyable experience.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Buying a Chia Pet is a great way to teach your children responsibility...just in case they want to adopt a lawn from a local shelter one day
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Never sleep nude on a big pile of money. You'll only wake up in the morning with paper cuts all over your penis.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
If there is a Hell, I'm pretty sure it consists of putting together IKEA furniture with just the allen key for eternity.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Where else but Twitter can you instantly piss off 1000s of people? 100 years ago, you had to go door-to-door to get those kind of results.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Running with scissors is a good way to lose an eye, but it's also a really fast way to cut paper.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@BTtoronto Why is that turkey on the weather forecast having a seizure?
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@pattonoswalt There's a bit of room on the top right of the screen not being used. Focus your eyes on that whenever you feel seizure-y.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@BettyFckinWhite November 23rd. Although it's still in select theatres if you can't wait.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
Zombies wouldn't be so scary if they were called "the Living Impaired."
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@DinaPugliese OMG!! Platinum Blond is awesome! They should unite with 4 Non Blonds and form a new band called The Brunettes.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
When one door closes, another door opens. Just don't let the first door hit you in the ass and the second door hit you in the face.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@ConanOBrien Really? I own every issue of Firecrotch Monthly and don't recall seeing you in any of them.
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Mr. H76
Mr. H76@NuggetWisdom·
@normmacdonald For a sec I thought your tweet read "Tiger has just purred the 1st..."
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