Funniest Tweets

"Page Not Found" well..... Bitch, find it!

I don’t hate school.I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

Why don't Méxicans cross the border in 3's? Because it says no "trespassing"

Oh, you're having a bad hair day? Well I'm having a bad face life.

If you think women are weaker, try pulling the blankets back on your side.😁

i literally can not remember the last time i went to bed when the clock actually said “pm” on it

Me: How much is this poster of this sexy man? Sales Clerk: That's a mirror, sir.

Bitches be tweeting "I'm horny." What do you want me to do? DM you a dick?

Crazy girls be like.."If I flirt, is that cheating?" IF I SLAP YOU WITH MY LEFT HAND EVEN THO IM RIGHT HANDED DID YOU STILL GET SLAPPED?

plot twist: maury is the father

LMAOSHIFOTTAASALOTF: Laughing my ass off so hard i fell of the toilet and accidentally shit a little on the floor.

Do caterpillars know that one day they’re gonna be a butterfly or do they just build their cocoons like “bruh wtf am i doing this for”

How to tell if a woman is mad at you:1. She's quiet 2. She's yelling3. She acts the same4. She acts different5. She murdered you

me: I want to look cute today. face: no.

Twitter is the one place where you go to say all of the random thoughts in your head and see if everybody else is as weird as you.

90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.

That awkward moment when you're eating alphabet soup and then choke on the D.

2014 is in 3 months

Ghetto Word of the Day: Harassment - My girl caught me sleeping with another woman and I said don't worry honey, harassment nothing to me.

I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.