Buckeye Ball Knower 🌰

I better not hear A SINGLE FUCKING WORD about the tweets I’ll be posting after he goes

How close is the debate between Jeremiah Smith and Malachi Toney?

Why this nigga look like me 😂

Just met a cute girl at the wedding i’m at like actually cute. objectively dangerous face card. we’re talking. vibes are immaculate. she’s laughing at my jokes. i’m in my bag. aura farming effortlessly. then sports get brought up, she says it “i watch baseball” my ears PERKED up i played it cool. i said “oh nice, what’s your team” she said “i’m a reds fan” and that’s where a normal person would’ve said “cool, me too” and gotten her number but i am not a normal person my brain instantly went into terminal mode and i said “oh word? how you feeling about the rotation?” she looked confident. rookie mistake. and i kept going “Hunter Greene’s velo is electric but are we pretending the command is just gonna fix itself? Not to mention his elbow is already shot. Nick Lodolo’s health is a group project and the syllabus is on fire. and don’t even get me started on Matt McLain and his band of merry idiots, the MM9 FC” she blinked i KEPT GOING “and we’re really trusting this front office to build around our lord and savior Elly like that? You see what they’re doing with the lineup construction? Cam Collier STILL hasn’t been brought up. I’m supposed to act normal about that?” she laughed nervously and said “i just like going to games” i said “so do you even follow the team?” she said “i literally have a Matt McLain jersey.” the vibe was GONE just vanished. nuked. like a routine fly ball lost in the lights at Great American Ball Park. her friend pulled her away. she didn’t look back. i was standing there alone at a wedding holding a drink i wasn’t even sipping, doing MENTAL GYMNASTICS about how someone could watch the Cincinnati Reds attempt to contend in the Major League Baseball and just be… chill about it. my cousin walked over and said “bro she looked just like your ex what happened” i said “she’s a casual” he said “so?” SO??? i then realized i would rather relive every one-run loss in the ninth than share a household with someone who thinks “the vibes are good” is a roster evaluation strategy she had a pretty face but a CONCERNINGLY OPTIMISTIC understanding of infield durability could’ve had her number she could’ve been the mother of my children COULD’VE. but now at least she knows i know ball. and honestly that’s worth more