One and (Ph)Done

There is nothing more humbling than having a PhD and trying to reason with a toddler. I once convinced a room full of smart people that I, too, was smart, but clearly not smart enough for you. #phdmom #toddlerhood #AcademicChatter #womeninscience #womeninresearch #WomenInSTEM

Surviving grant writing and parenthood involve doggedly staying on the roller coaster of “I’m an idiot” to “I’m amazing” until you see a payoff. @Momademia #grantwriting #AcademicChatter #phdmom #WomenInSTEM

Some of you have never had to repeatedly prove your worth to a room of scientists and it shows….enjoy your superior mental health and ability to “leave work at work.”

Doing cutting edge science is hard. Doing cutting edge science as a parent is also hard. Normalize taking a crying break in your office. And calling your person to talk you through it. (Thanks, Mom! ❤️) #momademia @Momademia #phdmom #toddlermom

Did I eat a whole roll of thin mints today for lunch? Yes. Will I regret it? Not a chance.

When you feel another child-induced cold coming on at work and know you only have 4 productive hours until your body shuts down… in the immortal words of Fall Out Boy, “Sugar, we’re going down swinging” #phdmom @Momademia #sickagain

My toddler is surpassing my thesis committee in outrageous demands, emotional behavior, and general displeasure with my existence. #phdmom #toddlers @Momademia

Word of advice: If I tell you my husband has a PhD, don’t assume I don’t. I got mine first. #doublephd #womeninstem #womeninresearch

Interstate moves as an academic can crawl right back into the sixth circle of hell they came from. Also, can you send your dissertation to a mortgage underwriter to prove your worth as a person? Asking for a friend. #AcademicTwitter #momademia #womeninSTEM #phdmom

And clearly *uses the wrong homophone* level angry

My toddler through sand down my *sweaty shirt today… cue leaky Western blot gel prep level of pissed off. #phdmom #phdlife #momademia #oneanddone #WomenInSTEM

Finally cracked my coffee algorithm: 8 - number of hours slept = number of espresso shots needed over the course of the day. Today’s number was 4. ☕️☕️☕️☕️ #phdlife #phdmom #toddlermom #WomenInSTEM #womeninscience #momademia

Welcome back to the germy cesspool known as the start of the school year. Let’s see what fresh hell pathogens have in store for me this fall. #phdmom #toddlermom #momademia

If you would like to comment that I need another child, I require a Venmo deposit of $100. If I collect enough for hospital bills and 5 years of childcare and house cleaning, then I will be elated and still not consider it.

Would you ever put your child on a daycare waitlist in another city before your official job offer?? #AskingForAFriend #phdmom #WomenInSTEM

Favorite quote right now: “My girls and I could run circles around you.” @reshmasaujani 👏👏👏 #WomenInSTEM #phdmom

For every academic’s text threads: If you are receiving this, we have mutually agreed that each party can take however long to respond and is not - I repeat, not - mad at the other. Keep being a boss. I’ll be here. #AcademicTwitter #phdmom #AcademicChatter

Y’all. This is it.

Hello Twitter! Is this the void into which we are collectively screaming? I’ve got my coffee, and I am here for it.