Only Fast Eddie

I had my ring finger removed just to be safe.

Who remembers when the absolute WORST thing we could imagine in life is that was someone stealing our Wi-Fi?

Humans are just apes that evolved into assholes.

Sometimes it doesn't take much of anything... for them to suddenly become your everything.

You're not the sharpest knife in my back.

Always look both ways before crossing a woman.

My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.

Love will do one of three things: 1. Kill you 2. Save you 3. Pretend it's saving you... then kill you.

A woman is most beautiful when she's not trying to be beautiful.

This hot fudge sundae hasn't killed me so it must be making me stronger.

I had my ring finger removed just to be safe.

Caring is exhausting... not caring is impossible.

Walk with me... we'll figure out where we're going later.

Someone who cares won't 'find' time for you... they'll 'make' time for you.

People are idiots... just pick one and be happy.

Never be too proud to tell someone that you miss them.

Everything will kill you... so pick something fun.

A beautiful face is dangerous but a beautiful mind is deadly.

My girlfriend used to complain about our relationship not having enough fireworks so I blew up her fucking car.

I'm in love with you... sorry for the inconvenience.

People tell me that I have a unique way of lighting up a room. It's called arson and those people are called witnesses.