Overly Manly Man

AYE NOBODY CARES

Me: "I'd like to buy this EXTRA small condom" "Sir, this is a sleeping bag" *winks at cashier continously until the end of her shift*

Aaron Hernandez's new team

When you break up with Lauren

I need a beer, or 10

Life is a dick, sometimes it gets hard for no reason.

Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the shit out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time you need to get your shit together.

Another day, another Kate Upton commercial that doesn’t make me download game of war.

Jerry has to love his job

My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an Xbox game for his Playstation.

At 18 you can vote, smoke, gamble, look at porn, and die for your country. But you can't legally drink a beer. Something is wrong here...

ref: flag! coach: what's wrong? ref: nothing coach: no really, what's wrong? ref: nothing! i'm fine

Douche Of The Day

When she says she likes science...

girls are simple. with them, yes means yes, no means yes, & no means no, & no means maybe, but maybe means yes, & maybe means no.

Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life.

Trying to understand girls is like trying to smell the color 8.

This is what a real life hero looks like

Bullying isn't going away. We should teach kids to stand up for themselves, but instead we're just creating a society of victims.