Paul Macken

5.5K posts

Paul Macken

Paul Macken

@PHMacken

Husband of a gorgeous wife, Father of 4 amazing kids, and I will have my revenge, in this life or the next!

Sydney Katılım Mart 2009
361 Takip Edilen555 Takipçiler
Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I went to the book shop and asked the employee, “Do you have any books written by Shakespeare?” He said, “Of course. Which one?” I said, “William.”
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Accordion to my calculations, I have a 50% chance of starting this sentence with a musical instrument and not having you notice...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Rang the incontinence hot line and they asked me to hold on...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
There's no "i” in team but there are 5 in individual brilliance...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I've just been to the library, I said to the assistant, 'Any books on the Titanic?' She replied, 'Yes, loads'. I replied, 'Shame, they'll be ruined by now'...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
My wife bet me $10 that I couldn't do a Butterfly impression.... I thought, that's got to be worth a little flutter…
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
My wife says I am in denial but I refuse to believe it...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I'm a bit like Thor. I can only fix things with a hammer...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Bloke at work told me he "forgot to eat lunch"...yeah right, like that's even possible...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
There's a new guy who's just started at work called Wayne Bruce, and I said, "Ah my old nemesis ManBat" Nobody got it. Honestly I am wasted here...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Has anyone seen my atlas? It means the world to me…
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I thought that training as an airport baggage handler would be fairly simple… But actually there's a lot to take on board!
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Shout out to the people who are wondering what the opposite on “in” is…
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He was not happy…
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection... She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
Trying to break up with my optician girlfriend is hard. Every time I tell her I can’t see her anymore, she just moves an inch closer and says “how about now?”
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I needed to disappear for a while so I stood in the street with a sign that said “Homeless, please help”…
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
I couldn't sleep last night , so I read the dictionary. By 3am I was past caring...
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Paul Macken
Paul Macken@PHMacken·
My literary skills is what enables me to conversate so well...
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