Platinum2000

Don't forget to ruin sex by yelling, "And many lives were lost that day." as he cums.

My Life is like 'Final Destination', in slow motion, right before my eyes, and I'm just like, "Huh, wouldn't that be nice?"

I accidentally read this shit wrong and almost changed Pharmacies.

I was starting to get this uncomfortable overdrafty anxiety type feeling. So, I quickly signed into my bank account and transferred most of my savings to my checking, and yup. No more than an hour later is when it happened... Both Hulu and Netflix hit. That shit was weird.

*Puts* "Sometimes I'm a poltergeist." On my Resume.

My bucket list is just a bunch of fucking projects I overheard people saying were on Pinterest, as well as some of the shit I keep forgetting to get at the store. Oh, yeah and to finally reach Enlightenment.

If I were a millionaire, I'd make it so my beneficiaries would have to drag my corpse through my Bucket-List and other unfinished business.

I took a picture of this cloud the other day on my way home from work, thinking. "Holy shit, is that a fucking dog?"

Does everybody else really know the back of their hands as well as the old saying claims they do?    Because I really don't think I could draw the back of my hands from memory while wearing mittens, accurately.

What if shit like the Egyptian Pyramids were just mass produced in some huge ass space factory, and we're just some aliens creatures forgotten Play-set?

Have you ever just look at someone and thought, 'Man, I bet this deflecting ass mother fucker has seven dogs just so they can kick a different dog every day of the week.'?

@mkole50 I don't have crow's feet yet, but holy shit. I didn't even think about that. That would have made it a triple meaning, lol.

@PLATINUM2000 It would look better if it was a foot

So, I put this sticker on a little pocket mirror I carry with me, because I thought the double meaning was funny. But apparently, according to everybody else, it is not in fact "Funny," It is "Dark and creepy, and eerie and what the fuck is wrong with you, Crystal?"

@ContraelMj I'm still pondering it, lol.

@PLATINUM2000 Not in your lifetime or in the lifetime of anyone that will ever talk about you or know who you are...but still, you just blew my mind with that question and now I'll be pondering it all day.

I find it a bit eerie that Mercury and Venus are the only two Planets in our Solar System without any Moons. Are we on a conveyor belt into the Sun?

Man, I miss the days when drinks were so good you'd be like, "Damn, I'm gonna have to lie down and take a nap with this one.

I wasn't even near my phone and I swear I felt it vibrate, and we're not even close like that.

@_Aware_Wolf Try Maynard's other two bands 'Puscifer' and 'A Perfect Circle' if you hadn't already.

I like the band Tool because sometimes I want to hear murky-mystical thrash jams followed by the sound of a broken ham radio for a solid ten minutes.

So, I just Googled “What does Outer Space smell like?” And I guess Astronauts have consistently described it on their Spacesuits as an acrid meaty-metallic odor, like seared steaks, infused with hot metal fumes. And not one of them was like, “Oh shit, that’s burning Aliens.”

You ever wanna punch someone just for knowing when to back off? Like stop reading my body language, Motherfucker.

I just realized I was listening to music in 780p and now I finally know why the Universe hasn’t been working in my favor at all lately.

*Searches, “This Universe feels like a Puzzle,” in WebMd*

I’d probably get ready faster if I didn’t ponder the meaning of life every morning.