PM’s Orifice

What I have said today are the things that I have set out in what I was saying. And, as I’ve said, I have been very clear about that. #RoadtoBrexit

I have been very firm with President Trump, that if he thinks for one second that he can break international law over Venezuela, well who am I to disagree.

@dieworkwear I can explain that. The breast pocket is usually located above the heart

stephen miller's tailor forgot to give him a breast pocket

@MikeStewart79 This is a weird way of telling people you have no idea how the tax system works. 2 + 2 = 1,325 IT’S AN ILLUSTRATION!

You make a sale of £1200 in your business. £200 is VAT. You have £1000. You pay 25% corp tax on it. You have £750. You pay it to yourself as a dividend and pay 20%. You have £600. You spend it, and £100 of the spend was VAT. You have something worth £500. You die and pass that thing onto your kids, and your estate owes 40% in taxes. Your kids have £300. Are you seeing why it's nearly impossible to get ahead in the UK? This is why people are leaving. And it’s even worse in SNP Scotland, where higher taxes and relentless bureaucracy crush ambition further.

@Iromg @garyseconomics @bbcquestiontime It’s true, Mike. He made all his money growing concrete. He represents the interests of big concrete

This bloke @garyseconomics is a shyster. Never been more sure of anything. Faux working class vibe, doubts over his claims of success, general sense of transience. Check it @bbcquestiontime

Trump is going to get rid of the Department of Education. I don’t think the world looks at MAGA voters and thinks the problem is that they’re just too smart.

I have carefully considered the words of Elon Musk and concluded that he has either fundamentally misunderstood UK politics or he’s a functional idiot who has shat his pants.

Same.

So, our deterrent is now, “Come to the UK for asylum and even if you’re unsuccessful we’ll pay you”. This will definitely solve the problem.

Tory donors: “I’m a big old racist and I hate black women” Tory party: “I don’t think what he was saying was a gender-based or a race-based comment, but it was clearly inappropriate. He has apologised and I think we need to move on from that.”

“Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally like to impact my recovery from a serious abdominal operation by messing around with photo editing software before not having the work reviewed by any of our paid staff.” #PhotoGate

Politicians often talk about cutting government payments to encourage those who are sick back to work. If you want to know how fairly that will be applied just ask if that includes Charles and Kate.

If one of your relatives dies because they can’t get a GP appointment or an ambulance, please remember that at least they got a 2% National Insurance cut. #Budget2024

Wow, it’s like they know there’s an election coming up.

We must root out extremists undermining democracy with scurrilous lies. So if anyone knows who this woman is please contact Downing Street.

I hope you caught my Downing Street speech that I titled ‘Unelected Prime Minister is worried about democracy’.

We’re bringing the people of the country together.

Liz Truss was probably just caught off-guard by Tommy Robinson being called a hero because she was sitting next to a white nationalists neo-Nazi sympathiser. #BBCLauraK

Oliver Dowden has explained how racist statements by Conservatives are not racist because we we said them in a posh accent. #BBCLauraK

We’re re-releasing our old hits. If you liked ‘levelling up the North’ and enjoyed ‘the Northern Powerhouse’ then you’ll love ‘engine of the North’. #BBCLauraK

Just a reminder that there are absolutely no parallels between the Republican party’s constant outrage over the border crossings while doing nothing to stop them and the Conservatives party’s constant outrage over the channel crossings while doing nothing to stop them.