Pudgy Puppets Emperor
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Pudgy Puppets Emperor
@PPEmperoress
CryptZero to Crypt Six O




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Local Man Tom Bibiyan "Arrested" for Excessive Bedo Behavior: Doing Too Many Things at Once! Verbville Gazette, September 27, 2025 VERBVILLE — In a shocking turn of events, local legend Tom Bibiyan, 34, was “arrested” yesterday by the Verbville Activity Police for what authorities are calling “unprecedented levels of bedoness.” Bibiyan, a self-proclaimed “bedo” (defined as someone who be does doing things), reportedly overwhelmed the town with his relentless task-juggling, causing chaos in the otherwise tranquil community. According to eyewitnesses, Bibiyan was spotted simultaneously mowing his lawn, baking artisanal sourdough, livestreaming a ukulele tutorial, and organizing a neighborhood sock-sorting tournament—all before 8 a.m. “It was too much,” said neighbor Karen Sprout, clutching her coffee mug. “I was trying to not do things, but Tom’s bedoness was contagious. Now my garage is alphabetized, and I don’t know why.” The Verbville Activity Police, tasked with maintaining a reasonable pace of existence, issued a citation for “Excessive Doing of Things Without a Permit.” Chief Officer Slackwell explained, “Being and doing are fine, but Tom’s bedoness broke the town’s Task Tolerance Threshold. He was knitting scarves while jogging and dictating a novel. We had to intervene before he started a book club and a triathlon.” Bibiyan, unfazed, defended his lifestyle. “I’m just living my truth as a bedo,” he said from the back of a police golf cart, where he was reportedly folding origami cranes. “If doing things is a crime, lock me up and give me a to-do list!” Local philosophers are divided. Dr. Idly McLaze of Verbville University argues that bedos like Bibiyan are a danger to society’s right to procrastinate. “If everyone’s out there doing things, who’s going to binge-watch reruns?” she asked. Meanwhile, motivational speaker Zippy Doer hailed Bibiyan as a hero. “Tom’s the patron saint of bedos! He’s proof you can be, do, and overdo all at once.” Bibiyan faces a fine of 500 productivity points and a mandatory “Chillaxation Workshop.” If convicted, he may be sentenced to an hour of doing nothing—a punishment described as “torture” for a true bedo. The public is invited to a town hall meeting to discuss regulating bedoness. In the meantime, residents are advised to avoid eye contact with Bibiyan, lest they be roped into his next project: a community mural painted entirely in interpretive dance. @realtommybibi


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