Pace Egg

It wasn’t really the structure for a drama because (devoid of any context from the rest of his life) they painted Huw Edwards as a one-dimensional character who spent most of his time looking at his phone and going Phwoar. Taking nothing away from Martin Clunes though.

At the time the Huw Edwards story seemed very thin with The Sun outing him for buying gay content from a young man – which is OnlyFans’s entire business model – and then someone sent him some dodgy videos. It seems from #TheDownfallOfHuwEdwards that that was the entire story.

I'm just reading about the Bob Monkhouse joke book ban by The Repair Shop. 😡 It's like the time I brought in my copy of Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. Bill Paterson refused to read out the resurrection passages and they wouldn't rebind the book jacket with my face. Woke madness!

if u say no to pretzels, the flight attendant should give u something called a Coin of Restraint. while worth nothing now, these coins will play a major role in the afterlife

It’s Day 05 of Badger and it’s been pouring down. How will a badger cope with so much rain? The Tesco chicken and vegetable small dog biscuits which we think it’s been gorging itself on – we bought it a new bag today – will have gone soggy. It should be due any minute.

Fell asleep and dreamt that people were bringing back advanced technology laser guns from their own dreams and were being arrested. I wondered if this worked with gold and gemstones…also if the technology would actually work in this reality. Could be a get-out clause in court.

i love how the bumblebees are always first on the scene. hardly any flowers out but the faintest bit of sun and they’re cruising about like wellington bombers looking at shit. is this a flower? is this a flower? oi mate are you a fucking flower? haha laters 🐝

Twitter at 9am: Wholesome Twitter at 9pm: Unhinged Twitter at 3am: Philosophers, poets, and people confessing to crimes

Why don't easter eggs come with mugs anymore? Was that just a 90's thing?

Well then how are you going to recover the haunted amulet? That princess is going to be a goat forever.

First World Real Life Jump Scares 1) Tree branches whacking the roof of the top deck of a bus 2) A landline phone calling between 11pm and 7am 3) Passing a gate with a grumpy Alsatian on the other side 4) Unexpected flight turbulence 5) The trumpet sound of The One Show theme

They’re a “Catholic military order” which is everything Steven Moffat tried to warn us about with the church’s historical relation to war. RUBY: What's an Anglican marine? Since when was the Church an army? DOCTOR: Since most of your history. You've been living in a blip.

She’s right, what’s going on back there? Descended from the Knights Hospitaller (Order of Knights of the Hospital of Saint John of Jerusalem) this ancient organisations protect the Holy Grail and monitor village fetes, parked up next to the cake stall, ready to claim the fallen.

…a group of women dressed as pirates. They asked me to repeat that. A group of women dressed as pirates. I should have said they had had cutlasses and everything. But I didn’t. Cutlasses and everything. It’s all about the details.

There was an incident last night on the train platform which then escalated on the train, with someone who tried to befriend her, because she was just nuts. I had to explain the origins to a group who got on at Macclesfield and said there was trouble, at Congleton, with…

the bees are flying. they taste the spring

Wow, yesterday Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) was throwing bricks at builders, or something, and today he’s dead. He had been a messed-up guy for a long time, became entitled, and bitter, and he sure burned his bridges. It was a sad decline.

Spied what looked like an injured fox struggling its way behind the cat shed before. I went and had a look and it was there, ears flat, facing away from me. I checked up on it again later and I saw its face IT’S NOT A FOX. For the first time ever we have a badger in the garden!

@sandwichlover7 The last woman on here to say ASK ME ANYTHING then got so angry/abusive when I asked her just one thing that I had to unfollow her so I sense IT’s A TRAP. FYI she was in a posh cinema, buying posh snacks, and all I asked about was the price of popcorn. It seemed…appropriate.

just ate a delicious chicken burger ask me anything

walking past the flowers and saying welcome back and blowing little kisses